Thursday, February 25, 2010
Someone said to me that I was stupid, and that all I needed to do was take my pills and "get over it".

I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream. "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND"

I do take medications, but it's not enough, it's never going to be enough. I feel so helpless and hopeless some days. I want to sleep, and never wake up. I don't want to burden those around me with my insane thoughts and craziness!

I just want to think clearly, and I want to be happy. I wish that little things, minor disappointments, wouldn't send me into a spiral of depression. I have TRIED to control this, but I can't.

"It's not a life threatening illness!"

Sadly, yes it is, Bi Polar can be life threatening. It takes a bad day, a rut you just can't climb out of. I am scared of those days. I don't want to have a day where I just can't take it anymore.

I turn to those I love. Even they don't always understand. When I am asking for help, I do not communicate it properly, for fear of rejection. I tend to withdraw completely.

If only people heard what I was saying.

I just don't talk about it, I don't share the feelings because who really cares?

An online friend talked me into sharing this with the world. If nothing else, maybe I can help someone else.

When people say "suck it up." they ought to think about it. Maybe this person can't.
Maybe this person needs help. Sometimes a friend helps. One who knows that you are different, but loves you anyway.

2 comments:

carolinparenting said...

Oh, honey! Those people are callous and stupid themselves. My mother is one of those people, and her corrupt opinion spreads through my family like wildfire. The only one immune to it is my little brother (blood related). I have adopted another family (had to wait until high school to find them) who truly understands and cares about how I feel. They don't tell me to "suck it up" or that it's all in my head and I can just "get over it." They are wrong and I can't figure out how to show them how dense they're being. I truly do feel your pain in dealing with idiots like that. I have not yet been diagnosed with bi-polar, but I am getting checked for it. My husband's "teasing" has put the cattle prod to my butt for this check up. Now all I have to do is find a psychologist who I can trust to not put words into my moth and essentially tell me that I am able to just "get over it." I am blessed to have a husband who understands and accepts that he won't understand everything that I go through. All he can do is hang on for the ride. He'll try and cushion my falls (he's been doing this since we started dating 8 years ago, married for 7 of them). He knows that he can't eliminate the pain, hurt, and embarrassment that comes with my roller coaster ride of a life, and he's not completely OK with it. But he does his best, and that is all I can ask of him.

I didn't mean to respond with a blog post of my own. Sorry. But, your blog is helping me to notice symptoms that I have just brushed off in the past. Your blog is helping someone, and that someone wants to try and help you.

Catrina said...

You are more than welcome to share what you want! I appreciate your response, and I hope that You know that you are not alone in your feelings either.
Thank you for putting it so great with your descriptive sentence "the pain, hurt, and embarrassment that comes with my roller coaster ride of a life,"

Please feel free to contact me any time. I am viewing your blog as well.

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