Monday, February 22, 2010
I read a blog/site that discusses peaceful parenting. It's a wonderful site and some people say it is not possible. I disagree, being at peace with yourself and your children is easy to accomplish.

For one, stop trying to "control" your children. You are here to teach them. You are not their master, they are not your slave, they are human beings and should be treated as such. Yelling happens, I yell, I don't like to, but I know when I get to the point of yelling, that I need a break. When I yell, I know I need to step back, breath, and calm down.

The key to being a good parent, well, not a good parent, but to having good kids, is positive praise. Positive reinforcement for behaviors that you like.
For example, if your child picks something up, be it by direction or by their own choice, tell them that you like that and they did a good job.
Stop looking for things to nag at them about. If they drew a picture, don't say, well it SHOULD look like this, instead say, Oh I like that. Remember they are young and want nothing more than to please you.

If you ask your child child to do something, and they try, tell them they did a great job. They are children, do not expect perfection. Try not to point out what they MISSED, or if you need to point it out, say something like:

Wow, You did a really great job on that! Lets do this part together.

Your child may not know what they missed, or forgot and pointing it out is a breeding ground for self doubt and low esteem.
As for homework, grades, and other such things. I hate that parents get on their kids for anything less than perfect. No one is perfect, and expecting perfection, from a child, is just ludicrous! If they're having trouble in school, do not reprimand them, try and help them.

Yelling increases frustration for you and your child. Communication takes a massive down spiral and overall, it's not very fun. Try stepping back and talking to your child, as if they matter, and I bet you'll go farther.
There is an old saying my mom used to tell me
You'll get more flies with Honey than you will with Vinegar
In other words, you'll get farther with praise than you will with nagging and yelling.
It's not about being perfect. Children need to see imperfection. It's about love and understanding and communication.


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