Wednesday, March 17, 2010
There's something about life, and sharing who you really are with those who you love the most that both changes you and effect you the most.

Yesterday, I dececided to share a story of something with someone who had saved my life.

I was scared to death to see their reaction, but more I was happy to feel free. I was happy to be able to get it out in the open I was happy to say it.

I was rewarded this evening with something I never thought possible. Even greater love!

My heart is softening more from past crisis' and becoming more trusting and open, and to them I am more grateful!
Wanna go to Vegas but cannot afford the trip?

I know I am not lucky enough to be able afford to go to Las Vegas Nevada. I have wondered what it might be like to visit the scene and explore the legendary casinos.

Well, Vegas Red is an Online Red Casino. Vegas Red offers quite a few enjoyable games.

I don't promote gambling, because we all know that it can become addicting and has been known to ruin lives etc. etc. etc.


Gambling responsibly by Jan Jacob Mekes:
I don’t gamble, and I don’t exactly endorse it. Because let’s face it, gambling will usually cost you money.
So, why then, do people gamble? I guess it is for the same reason that people play video games, (which cost you money) or watch movies (which cost you money) or play card games (which cost you money) or do anything (that COSTS YOU MONEY) I'm not saying go out and spend all you're money on Vegas Red, I'm not even telling you to spend any money on there. I am more or less visiting the gambling "thing" and wondering what it is that draws people to the "luck".

"Will I win or won't I?"

Lottery tickets are gambling, in fact more things in our lives are gambling than we know, well then we really realize.

The key to staying out of trouble when gambling is recognizing when there is a problem.

What is problem gambling?
Problem gambling includes all gambling behavior patterns that compromise, disrupt or damage personal, family or vocational pursuits. The essential features are increasing preoccupation with gambling, a need to bet more money more frequently, restlessness or irritability when attempting to stop, "chasing" losses, and loss of control manifested by continuation of the gambling behavior in spite of mounting, serious, negative consequences. In extreme cases, problem gambling can result in financial ruin, legal problems, loss of career and family, or even suicide.

Gambling can become addictive, just like any drug. The internet can be addictive. The key is to maintaining moderation! It's a thrill to win, and winning is fun, but, people don't realize they are loosing a lot more than they are winning in most cases.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Everyone hears about how best friends are there for you through the bad times and all the woes of you life. Well, this is true. I am glad that my best friend(s) have been there for that too, but my best friend(s) have been there for the best times of my life too.

I only have one husband, (which is the law where I live, honey if you're reading this, believe me law or not, that's the way it's going to stay) and he is my best friend. Outside of marriage a girl, anyone needs friends. You know those people who you go to when your spouse or child is driving you up the wall!

Have you ever had string cheese? It's really best, although not really at all like string, more like a cheese log!
Oh wait, I was talking about my best friend....

Anyhoo, I have a wide variety of friends. Only a very few really know me. (which makes life a whole lot easier on everyone believe me!)

I met my best friend's husband before I met her, (wait that sounds bad) I was 14 (that sounds even worse) I was in the worst time of my life. I wanted nothing more than to kill myself and to just make the pain of highschool and life stop. He saved my life by these simple words.... Wait for it.... "What's wrong.... I can't help you if you don't talk to me" If you want to know that whole story read: I Died at 12: My Real Story and My Second Dad (read them it will tell you more about me too!)

Well, he knew I needed friends and just people to care and love me for who I was. My family are wonderful people. I cannot tell you how much I love them, words don't express it! When you're a teenager, you have to have that outside the home, friends thing going on. Sure I was made fun of for hanging out with him and his family but, I really didn't care, because above all else, I felt loved and wanted!

Hang on I am thirsty.
Sorry, had to use the potty too!

We lost touch for a while after I graduated. I was scared. I didn't want to be without my friends. I wrote them (by mail) every month. Told them about the news in my life. Called them when I was getting married.
Besides my parents and his parents they were the next people to hear I was pregnant with my daughter.

Most recently, I have again become reconnected with them, and they are again my best friends! I love them dearly and would do anything for them! My daughter loves them too! I am glad, because, they're the best friends I could ask for.

I mean really, who else puts up with my insecurities and STILL encourages me to come visit, not because the have to, but because they want to! And I love them all the more for it! Who else lets me tell raunchy jokes, or make fun of stupid crap? lol
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Have you ever had one of those days?

You know the kind:

Someone says hi, and you know they mean something else.


The light blows in the kitchen just to piss you off!


The cat sits down next to you and farts, and you swear that he's laughing.

This is the kind of day that:

The computer game you're playing is making you loose just because.


It's raining out for no good reason, hell, the flowers don't need it, it's still March!

So, it's one of those days...
Saturday, March 13, 2010
I had someone ask me what is Un-Schooling, and I really couldn't give them an answer. So, like I do every time I do not know the answer to something (if I am at all interested in the question) I decided to look it up.

I have wanted to know about un-schooling for quite some time now. What is it? Is it an option for me and my family? Why do parents Un-school instead of Homeschooling or choosing public school?

Unschooling refers to a range of educational philosophies and practices centered on allowing children to learn through their natural life experiences, including child directed play, game play, household responsibilities, and social interaction, rather than through the confines of a conventional school. Exploration of activities is often led by the children themselves, facilitated by the adults. Unschooling differs from conventional schooling principally in the thesis that standard curricula and conventional grading methods, as well as other features of traditional schooling, are counterproductive to the goal of maximizing the education of each child.
(according to Wikipedia.com)

In English, it means, children learn through doing. The idea is thought that school is not the place for children to grow and learn properly. Now, school is not wrong for all children, not all schools anyway, but some children, most children, learn best by doing things, seeing things and feeling things.

Each state's laws vary as far as what is required for the children and parents to do to be successful in their un-schooling.
Here are a couple of links with examples of curriculum and more information:

http://sandradodd.com/unschoolingcurriculum

http://unschooling.org/

http://www.unschooling.com/library/faq/index.shtml
Friday, March 12, 2010
This is my own educated, researched response to those who would choose to use the Bible as an excuse to beat a child. I dug out my dusty Bible, and I began to read. I'm sure I will find more, but I find NO WHERE in there where it says to beat the child...
If you choose to reference what I have quoted, the Bible, Contemporary English Version 1995
Holy Bible, Contemporary English Version, hc, 1995

Ephesians 6.4 Parents don't be hard on your children. Raise them properly. Teach them and instruct them about the lord

Colossians 3.21 Parents, don't be hard on your children. If you are, they might give up.

Proverbs 22.6 Teach your children right from wrong and when they grow they will still do right

Proverbs 24.3 Use wisdom and understanding to establish your home; let good sense fill the rooms
with priceless treasures


Matthew 7
1"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

Matthew 7.21
21 ‘Not everyone who says to me, “Lord, Lord”, will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only one
who does the will of my Father in heaven. 22On that day many will say to me, “Lord, Lord, did we
not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many deeds of power in your
name?” 23Then I will declare to them, “I never knew you; go away from me, you evildoers.”

Mark 10.13-16
13 People were bringing little children to him in order that he might touch them; and the disciples spoke sternly to them. 14But when Jesus saw this, he was indignant and said to them, ‘Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. 15Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.’ 16And he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them.

Not all of this was directly from my particular Bible as it was a LOT of typing, but I cross referenced every excerpt.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Are you interested in homeschooling your preschooler?

Here are some links if you're interested:



http://www.emtech.net/early_childhood.htm
http://www.coloring.com
http://www.educationworld.com/a_earlychildhood/
http://kidsfonts.mivox.com/
http://www.enchantedlearning.com/Dictionary.html
http://www.montessori.edu/homeschooling.html
http://www.nuttinbutkids.com/
http://www.perpetualpreschool.com/

If you know of additional links please feel free to share, also please feel free to share your experiences with Homeschooling.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Ok, I loved an article written by Accidentally a Mommy
The article was a "confessional" that I found rather amusing, and I thought it might be fun to post my own!

* I let my 3 year old watch television. I had to post that one first also, because you know what, if you monitor what they're watching, it's really not all that bad. I don't let her watch the news or anything that could harm her little brain for the rest of her life, but I do let her watch PBS and show like Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Little Einsteins and she LOVES them. Go ahead, call me a bad mommy, I'm not gonna listen on this one! LOL

* My daughter doesn't bathe every night! Neither do I. There are just some times when taking a bath isn't needed! We found out all to soon that taking too many baths wasn't good for her and was drying out her skin and scalp. She bathes 2-3 times a week, unless she's really scudsy (dirty) and then she'll hop in the tub. She will play in the tub for HOURS!

* We don't cook a whole lot of large meals cause she just won't eat them. I believe she is in a stage that Macaroni and Cheese = Superhero, and I'm not sure where she got that, but those words came out of her mouth yesterday and I had to laugh!

* She goes to my mom's house once a week usually for overnight. (Not every week) I have come to enjoy this for two reasons. 1. she comes back in a MUCH better mood, and 2. I feel rested and excited that she's coming home!

Ok, there's a few for you. I gotta tell you, I thought I might feel guilty about putting this out there. The funny things is, I don't. These are things that are normal for us, and for her, and it works, and we're happy.
How about you, what's your confession?
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Oh my God, I love my Mom!

I showed her the website that has been the topic of many of my recent posts and she's going to write an article for me!

She is a 53 year old Irish Cathloc and was NEVER raised like NGJM teaches!

I'm excited to see what she writes, I'm sure it will be a long article, she has MANY things to say on the issue!
Monday, March 8, 2010
Have you EVER wanted to reach through the screen of your computer and just proceed to beat the living snot out of someone for being completely and utterly clueless?

Ok, it's an ironic feeling to want to smack the crap out of someone but yet be totally against violence!

I hate that I feel this way, but it feels like I'm shouting at the top of my lungs and these people are just plain stupid!

They feel they are right and I am wrong, well, I guess this being America, they're entitled to their opinions, but I know if I post anything severely negative then I'll find myself in court, probably behind bars.

Anywho I digress. What is this world coming to? Sadly I find myself saying that exact same sentence over and over. I guess the easy answer would be to turn my head, to look away like everyone else! Damn it! I can't do that!

I'm not the type of person who sees injustice and sits on my ass to watch it! Come on, doesn't anyone else want to make a difference?

I think the problem is people don't know what to do. Guess what I can't sit back! I look into my daughter's eyes and I cannot help but think how that little baby would feel if I, the person who loves her most in the world, were to hurt her!

I held her for a while tonight, just cuddling her and telling her how much I loved her. I tickled the belly and she squirmed and we decided that tickleing was torture enough. Although I have to say, I would rather hear tortured giggles than I would tortured screaming and crying!

She had to have a time out tonight, (before the cuddling) and I felt like a monster. I hate making her cry. She comes out of her room, "Mommy, I feel much better, I'm sorry for making you mad!"
I wanted to cry!

I held her close, I couldn't help it. She is my baby, I cannot see, I cannot fathom how parents could hurt their kids! The sparkle in her eyes is beautiful. I shouldn't keep hashing this over. I shouldn't but I am. I want parents to help!

Well, I made Huggz Heal. A hug, even a virtual hug can make a difference!
DAMN IT, YOU WANT TO HELP DON"T YOU?
ATTENTION: if you are a parent or caregiver or otherwise want to help children! 
I am requesting a story or article for huggzheal.blogspot.com to stand out against abuse! 
Please e-mail stories to me at clawzymom@yahoo.com
Please include your name and URL to your own blog if applicable! You get the credit!:)
This is a series of correspondences with No Greater Joys Ministries:


RE: Response
Monday, March 8, 2010 10:10 AM
From:
"Catrina McKechnie"
Add sender to Contacts
To:
ngj@nogreaterjoy.org
Ok, think of this, There are so many parents out there that are reading what your site says and thinking "Oh, they say it's ok to hit my child"
So they do. I am not in agreement of spanking, let alone spanking with a rod or any object, but, if you are in agreement with it, I really REALLY think you need to clarify this to people.
People are getting out of hand. It is one thing to discipline, it is another COMPLETELY to abuse kids. When parents read your website, they are seeing that your teachings are giving them the green light, so to speak, to take this and run with it.
No you're NOT in control of those whom you preach too and any normal sane parent, understands there ARE limits. But, all it takes is one moment of anger and there is a dead child.
You say out of love, why do you think that spanking is a way of showing love? I'm not dissing you or your site, I am asking an honest question. I HATE having to discipline my child, but I do it. I could NEVER lift a hand to hurt her in the way's that your website describes!
To be honest, your website offers good advice on some things, but some other things, like having a "Designer Rod" come on! I am not going to yell, or get all angry for the parent who occasionally spanks, and THANK GOD I read on your page NOT to spank before the age of one... but honestly, how can you look into the eyes of your child that loves you and needs your support, teachings and respect, and slap them?
Sir, you understand that I am upset, and I respect that you are remaining polite through our conversations.
I am a Christian, but I do not spank my child. We use non physical forms of "Training" as you would call it. Thus far, even her being an only child, she is the most well behaved child I know. We do not tolerate tantrums, or screaming etc, but there are SOME things that kids need to do to grow and develop!
I read one article on your site that states, that if a child acts 'silly" or does not "conform" they are to get spanked! Just to let you all know, in case you didn't, Kids ARE silly, and magnificent and wonderful! As parents we ARE NOT always right, and we can learn from our children. Yes, I said it, we can learn from our children. Parents who do not, are not good parents! As a test to you, just hear me out, the next time you desire to "spank" your child, look them in the eye, ask them what's wrong, talk to them, You really DO get farther then performing physical violence!
There are so many other things on your website that really upset me and MANY other parents, but you do not listen... We're asking you to realize that what you are teaching some parents is that for ANY wrong a child does (we all need to make mistakes to learn) that they will get spanked.
I was spanked as a child. The only thing I remember learning from it, My parents said they loved me, but they didn't show it when they spanked me......
Catrina


--- On Mon, 3/8/10, NGJ Secretary wrote:


From: NGJ Secretary
Subject: RE: Response
To: "'Catrina McKechnie'"
Date: Monday, March 8, 2010, 9:56 AM

Hello Catrina,

I can agree with much of what you have written and NGJ teaches all the techniques referred to in American Humane except the use of timeouts.

You state, "Physical discipline, such as spanking or paddling, is not considered abuse as long as it is reasonable and causes no bodily injury to the child" (again I am in agreement), and "The use of an OBJECT to hit a child, I.e. your ROD, Is abuse!" How then does one spank or paddle if not with and object.

Also discipline done in frustration is not a part of NGJ's philosophy and is frequently warned against. This kind of "discipline" may very well cause the problems that you mentioned but discipline properly administered by a loving parent or caregiver produces much different results as proven by the Pearls own grown children and growing number of healthy and happy grandchildren as well as the hundreds of thousands of other children that have experienced this successful disciplining philosophy. The Department of Children's Services after examining NGJ's philosophy and methods came to the same conclusion in that they are in no way abusive.

Sincerely,
Chuck Joyner




From: Catrina McKechnie [mailto:clawzymom@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, March 05, 2010 1:01 PM
To: ngj@nogreaterjoy.org
Subject: RE: Response

Physical abuse is nonaccidental physical injury (ranging from minor bruises to severe fractures or death) as a result of punching, beating, kicking, biting, shaking, throwing, stabbing, choking, hitting (with a hand, stick, strap, or other object), burning, or otherwise harming a child, that is inflicted by a parent, caregiver, or other person who has responsibility for the child.2 Such injury is considered abuse regardless of whether the caregiver intended to hurt the child. Physical discipline, such as spanking or paddling, is not considered abuse as long as it is reasonable and causes no bodily injury to the child.
http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/whatiscan.cfm

The use of an OBJECT to hit a child, I.e. your ROD, Is abuse!

Disciplining children by spanking does not facilitate learning. Instead, it may halt the unwanted behavior only while the child is in the adult’s presence, or it may scare a child into submission. While it may teach a child what not to do, it fails to teach a child what is expected of him or her and what is an alternate behavior. Additionally, physical discipline is most often used when the parent is frustrated or without other resource. Spanking in these circumstances may lead to an unintentional injury or more serious abuse. The following illustrate more of what physical discipline does:

* Increases anxiety and fear
* Hinders the development of empathy and compassion for others
* Makes children angry in response
* Heightens aggression toward others
* Decreases compliance and increases resistance
* Harms relationship with parent or caregiver
* Potentially causes unintended and severe physical injury
* Decreases self-esteem
* Increases the probability for an array of undesirable social and psychological behaviors
* Teaches that violence is an acceptable way to handle conflict

How can I discipline positively?

American Humane encourages parents and other caregivers to use techniques that constitute a positive and appropriate discipline of children, such as:

* Discipline with love
* Listen and communicate
* Focus on the behavior, not the child
* Respond immediately
* Relate the discipline to the offending behavior in duration and severity
* Be realistic
* Remain calm
* Be fair
* Do not harm or injure
* Set boundaries
* Make it a learning opportunity
* Be consistent
* Be creative
* Develop rules and expectations in advance
* Use timeouts
* Reward or praise desirable behaviors
* Model desired behavior
* Encourage the child’s cooperation and understanding
* Develop behavioral contracts and incentive charts

http://www.americanhumane.org/about-us/newsroom/fact-sheets/child-discipline.html





--- On Fri, 3/5/10, NGJ Secretary wrote:


From: NGJ Secretary
Subject: RE: Response
To: "'Catrina McKechnie'"
Date: Friday, March 5, 2010, 11:50 AM

Catrinea,

Apparently it is you who does not understand what the DA in this case and the Department of Children's Services does after a thorough examination of the philosophy and methods espoused by No Greater Joy Ministries, Inc. IT IS NOT ABUSE! The countless number of adults that were trained with this philosophy that are healthy, happy and contributing members of society know this as well.

Due to time restraints I rarely continue correspondence beyond the second email so please don't take lack of further response on my part personally.

Sincerely,
Chuck Joyner


From: Catrina McKechnie [mailto:clawzymom@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, March 05, 2010 9:28 AM
To: ngj@nogreaterjoy.org
Subject: Re: Response

You do not understand... I'm not talking about ONE particular case, I am talking about how YOU PEOPLE TELL PARENTS IT'S OK AND GOLDY TO HIT AND ABUSE CHILDREN!


--- On Fri, 3/5/10, NGJ Secretary wrote:


From: NGJ Secretary
Subject: Response
To: clawzymom@yahoo.com
Date: Friday, March 5, 2010, 11:24 AM

Dear Catrina,

Below is the link to both the District Attorney's comments and the official statement from No Greater Joy Ministries, Inc regarding the Schatz case.

http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/answers/response-to-schatz-case

It is obvious to anyone who cares to examine the facts that it is the rejection of the parenting philosophy espoused by the Pearls and No Greater Joy Ministries, Inc that contributed to this tragedy.

Subsequent statements by the District Attorney and media reports continue to point out the fact that what the Schatz's did was in complete contradiction to what the Pearls and NGJ teach. Those that ignore this reality do so only to perpetuate the lies to sensationalize this tragedy.

Let me know if I can be of further assistance.

Sincerely,

Chuck Joyner

Assistant General Manager

No Greater Joy Ministries

From: clawzymom@yahoo.com [mailto:clawzymom@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, March 04, 2010 2:59 PM
To: ngj@nogreaterjoy.org
Subject: [NGJ] Note to NGJ/Pearls

FIRST_NAME Catrina
LAST_NAME M
NOTE I want to know HOW you can justify hitting, or otherwise abusing ANY child? God does not want this! How can you look into the eyes of your children and LIE to them and tell them you love them and then proceed to beat the shit out of them? I cannot believe that you preach the word of God and in the same sentence tell people, INNOCENT, people that it's God's command to beat their children! You WILL suffer in Hell for what you are doing!

EMAIL clawzymom@yahoo.com
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Ya know when I signed on for this thing called "Motherhood" I didn't exactly know the extent of which I was delving in.

Think about it unless you've been there already, did you know everything there was to know about being a mom?

Did you know that the first time your child was out of your sight for more than an hour or two you would have these intense feelings that you really couldn't describe?

Did you know that your body would do some of the grossest things imaginable when you were pregnant?

Did you know that you would wish for your child to grow a "little" older (when they were first born) so you could play with them, and then when they were a "little" older, you would wish they were an infant again?

Did you know that you probably would feel so strongly about some things regarding your parenting, that you were willing to loose friends over them?

Did you know that even the THOUGHT of something happening to your child would bring you close to a nervous breakdown?

Did you know that the first time your child got "hurt" you would cry more than they did? (LOL)

Did you know that you would browse websites like Yahoo Answers and actually WANT to contribute because you know something, someone else doesn't know yet?

Did you know that you would feel such an overwhelming love that the emotion itself was enough to bring any person to their knees?

Ok, enough Did you know's from me... What did you learn that you didn't know?

I often wonder what I would have done differently if I could have.... I think I feel a new post coming on!
Ok, so I have to ask, this is a rather dumb question I guess, but WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE WORLD?

Parents, usually being known as loving, kind, generous, caring people are resorting more and more to physical violence.

I guess some of us are blind to the injustice that happens to kids now a days but there's something that needs to be done, EDUCATE YOURSELF.

I used to get annoyed in high school, a lot of my class mates falsely claimed child abuse and found it funny. Most of them did this as a result of not getting their way, or just because they were idiots and didn't understand what abuse really was.

I look now, and all over the internet, and papers, are parents who are just plain stupid! If you want to see some examples, check out http://badbreeders.net/
If you don't want to look, I completely understand! Please do know this though, We can help children keep this from happening by encouraging education among parents.

I think the one that pissed me off the MOST was this one:
Mad Admitted Torturing Infant

The baby was taken to Leesburg Regional Medical Center by her mother who told medical staff that the baby was continuously crying. X-rays taken at the hospital showed that baby had multiple rib fractures that were in various stages of healing. Young told the hospital staff that he had caused the injuries.


Deputies from the Lake County Sheriff’s Office then spoke to Young who told them that he had squeezed the baby girl’s chest with both his hands wrapped around her chest two to three times a week for approximately one month. Investigators say Young also told them he bent the infant’s fingers backwards as well as bending her wrist downward until she cried. Young says he also would pinch or squeeze the infant’s toes, fingers, or knees to make her cry. Young told deputies that he did these things to the infant because she would not sleep and noticed that when he did it she would go to sleep.


Young also told investigators that he would push his hand down on her stomach so she would have a bowel movement.


He went on to tell detectives that he knew he was hurting the baby and need to stop but was afraid to tell because doing so would make him out to be a “monster” who could hurt a child.

Forgive me while I step away to VOMIT!

A two month old baby! I cannot even begin to imagine, nor describe to you what I am feeling right now!
There are several others that are really messing with my head right now. Honestly, I don't know why I DO read this stuff. It's not really educational, nor does it help me in any way.
Hell, to be honest with you, after reading about the severe beatings and spankings from other websites, I've had severe nightmares, and flashbacks to things in my past. (Not from my parents)

I wish this world were a better place for my daughter. I'm really not sure what to say right now other than dear Lord save us all from this insanity!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
When I was growing up I imagined myself as a mother. I imagined what I would do differently than my mom, and other moms and dads that I knew.
I always thought that I would be completely different. I wanted to make things different for my daughter.
I always imagined that my daughter would be the perfect little angel.
I wouldn't have any holloring, I wouldn't ever have to yell at her.
I wouldn't have to make her cry. I would have the perfect angel.

Then I had my daughter. I love that little girl. I did however, have those "dreams" unfairly smashed.
I don't regret having my daughter, and I don't regret those "dreams" but I did learn that I will know what to prepare my daughter for when she gets older.

Kids aren't perfect, and I think I prefer things the way they are now!
Well, I decided to take the weekend and rest a bit.
I haven't been feeling the groove that I was, so I took a break.
I didn't want to ruin my blog with a bunch of depressing poems etc. So I decided to step back and allow the juices to flow, and my brain to clear.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
READ ALL THE WAY THROUGH. DO NOT COMMENT IF YOU HAVEN'T

I am sick and tired of hearing people judge me for the educated choices I have made.
I do not follow blindly I decide everything for myself. If I don’t agree, I get a second and third and fourth opinion.
I’m going to lay it all out for you… I want people to understand something very important!
You are not a bad mom for not breastfeeding and you are not a bad mom for not co-sleeping.
You are not a bad mom for vaccinating your children, and you are not a bad mom for allowing your child to learn some independence.
I remember 3 years ago when my daughter was born, I was made to feel like shit because she didn’t co-sleep. Yes, I said SHE didn’t. She didn’t and doesn’t sleep with me, she doesn’t like it. I don’t know if it’s cause I move around too much or what. She WANTED to sleep in her own room. We tried to keep her in our room, for two LONG sleepless weeks we tried it. She wouldn’t sleep. In her own room, she slept great.
I breastfed my daughter for 6 months, 6 very hard, very emotional months. I did EVERYTHING I could to keep breastfeeding, but Cailyn didn’t like breastfeeding or whatever, and preferred not only the bottle, but to lay on the floor with it. Her doctor said she was showing signs of independence very early on. I felt like shit. I felt as if I had failed her, when in fact I did not. I did what any mother would do, I did what was best for my daughter.
I vaccinate my daughter, so shoot me! I have made many educated choices in regards to my daughter. Just because of the things that were NOT in my control, I am not a bad mother.
I am not a bad mother for many of the things that have taken place with my daughter, that others disagree with, sometimes to the point of excluding me from things.
We, as parents need to learn something. STOP PUTTING OTHER MOTHERS DOWN FOR THEIR CHOICES!
Just because someone does not do what you say, that doesn’t give you the right to treat them as if they are stupid and do not matter.
We make choices in our children’s lives. Bottle feeding IS NOT ABUSE! Not co-sleeping IS NOT NEGLECT! My choice to vaccinate my daughter IS NOT STUPID!
Stop judging me and treating me like I am stupid! My daughter is 3 and had the mentality and intelligence of a 7 year old! My daughter is funny and loving and very attached to both my husband and I. My parenting may not mirror yours, but that does NOT make me any less of a mother. Instead of judging me, maybe learn from me. I’m not perfect, and I am learning. But you are NOT going to get people to your way of thinking by shoving your opinions down other’s throats.
We need to offer ourselves and our opinions as guidance not law. I loved the time I had that I could breastfeed my daughter. I would have done it longer if I could have. She did not want it. There is NOTHING I could do about it and I tortured myself about it for a LONG time.
I am not saying do not advocate what you are passionate about, that’s stupid. What I am saying, do not make others feel horrible and worthless because they don’t follow your beliefs 100% of the time.
We want others to think and learn things for themselves.
IF you choose something, know WHY you are choosing it. If you choose to breastfeed, own it, love it. IF you choose to formula feed, know that there are complications and formula isn’t as good as breast milk. If you choose to formula feed because you feel breastfeeding is gross, don’t even post on my page. I don’t want to hear it. If you have a baby you WILL encounter things MUCH worse than what nature intended. There is NOTHING wrong with breastfeeding.
Your breasts are NOT intended as toys for your husband. Your breasts create milk, for your child.
Whatever your choices, own them, know WHY you chose what you do. Be open to others opinions and choices and don’t shun someone for theirs. (unless they chose to beat and neglect their child, well in that case, call DHS)
Nothing justifies spanking, or hitting, to me. Don’t even try. If you hit, or spank, then you are clearly NOT educating yourself in regards to your child, and I have no respect for that at ALL.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
I wonder why I decided to breastfeed.

I was thinking about it this morning. I knew nothing about breastfeeding. My mother never mentioned it. It wasn't something that we all discussed at the kitchen table.

I think a lot of it came about when I found out I was pregnant.
I researched EVERYTHING I could about babies. I wanted to know how to be a mother. I asked my mom why she didn't breastfeed me. She was very tearful when she explained that she couldn't. She tried. She wanted too. It was very hard on her.

I was born a few weeks early, and she began breastfeeding. I lost weight. She tried harder, and found out, to her dismay, that she truly wasn't producing enough milk.
She wanted to breastfeed. She knew, even 25 years ago, that breastfeeding was the best thing for me (and my brother).

She tried to breastfeed and then supplement with formula. Unfortunately, the doctor said she needed to switch to formula full time. They discussed it, and my mother agreed. She's since researched it and found out why he said to do that.
They feared failure to thrive and SIDS even in that day and age. The doctor feared that if I had not had enough to eat, then I might not make it.

Science has since evolved and we know that most people can breastfeed. But I truly know that some mothers cannot breastfeed, and THAT is why formula was made. Formula was not made to take the place of breast milk. Formula was made to help babies survive, in the event the mother was not around (i.e. death), or could not feed the child.

My mother FULLY supported my breastfeeding and was glad that I could do what she was unable to. She never mentioned it, for a few reasons, it was painful, and the subject never came up.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Losing Power, losing strength, losing drive.
I hate it when this happens. I hate losing the good parts of me.
I hate it when I go down the dark road to being alone in my head.
I hate when I feel like everything sucks.
I hate it when I think that I can't win.

I hate that I feel not good enough for anything.
I don't want to feel like this, I don't want to want to cry.
Why can't I be happy?
Why can't I just be happy for more than one day in a row...
I want to feel like I am doing something good.

I am a failure. I can't win.
I don't want to leave my little girl,
I don't want to miss a moment of her little life.
But I must return to work.
I want this to work.
To write is my dream.
I have wanted to write since I was a kid.
I have wanted nothing more my entire life.
Nothing satisfies me like writing.
Nothing fulfills me.

Make it stop,
Make the darkness go away.
Help me not feel so sad...
Please let me feel like something matters!
Like I matter.
 Ok, first of all if you've never seen one, a Child Safety Harness is a harness that goes on the child very much like a vest, or a backpack.The way the harness fits depends on what kind you get and there are many available.

To the point of my story.

I had an amusing memory of Cailyn and I walking around at the fair. We had family with us, i.e. my husband, mother in law etc. Cailyn had on her safety harness, proud as a little peacock. We were enjoying the day, and she, being very independent, loved that she could walk around, and not ride in the stroller the entire time.

An elderly lady walked up to me and very unkindly asked me why I had my daughter on a "Leash". (her actual comments are censored to protect my eyes)
Well I was rather dumbfounded as to what in the heck she was talking about, and kind of ignored the comment. This lady wasn't giving up. She proceeded to let me know what she thought of me.

I was treating my daughter like a "dog", and was "making" her walk in the "hot" sun. I was the worst mother in the world to this women. I kind of stood there, deciding whether to laugh or walk away. Well, she had one of those canes, with the hook on the end, and I knew I wouldn't get far, (those are dangerous weapons!) so I waited calmly, wondering why she chose me.

Well, after a little while, my daughter (who waited patiently) said, "Mommy, let's go ride on some rides."
I thought it was a good idea and possibly my que to leave. Well, we weren't going to be allowed to leave until I succumbed to this woman's will.

I had just about lost it, when something better came to my mind. I explained that, my daughter was a very independent 2 1/2 year old. She loves to walk, and instead of encouraging obesity by making her stay in a stroller, we thought that the exercise would do her good. (she snickered at me) I then explained to her, the it was her choice to lose her children, or grandchildren, but I was not going to. It is very easy to lose a child at the fair, and there are tons of people willing to take them. With the crowds and the amount of people, there was no way to be certain that we would not accidentally let go of our hands, plus it was hot, and baby hands get slippery when wet.
So, I showed her that the "leash" was securely clipped to my belt (as secure as one could get without being over paranoid and using a padlock!)

I told her to go about he way and to bother someone else. Unfortunately she didn't but I amused myself in the fact that I felt very justified having her harnessed up. Not to mention that she actually likes the thing! For her, I believe it gives her a sense of safety, and security. She doesn't fear losing me, when she is in it. When we go for walks, we live on a busy road, I harness her up.

It may seem mean, but it's really not.

I asked her if she felt like a dog in it. To which she responded by dropping down on all fours and crawling (it was really funny)
I like to encourage her to walk and be independent, but I will not risk her safety, or her happiness over a harness. She likes to walk, so that was a great alternative for us!
I came across and interesting blog from The Responsibility Project. This blog has me completely torn, and I'm really not sure what to think.
It's about a Mother and Father wanting to return a child they adopted, to the state, for severe behavioral problems. This is a summary of the post:

Melissa and Tony Wescott want to return their 11 year-old adopted son to state custody because they say he had severe behavioral problems not disclosed prior to his 2007 adoption, including reactive detachment disorder, disruptive behavior disorder, major depressive disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, and fetal alcohol syndrome.


The Wescotts say that soon after the adoption, the boy attacked a neighbor child with a board, killed and injured animals, began regularly running away, and hid butcher knives and lighters in his room. “He tried to burn our home down,” said Melissa Wescott. “The note read: ‘I’m sorry you had to die.’”


State documents described the child as “polite and well mannered.”
In a lot of adoption cases and foster home kids, they show the need to "hurt" before they get hurt, now NOT knowing the entire situation, or what is really going on, I don't know if that's what's going on here or not.
I guess my fear is that, if these parents do successfully "return" the child (as if he were merchandise) then what?
Do they adopt again, in attempt to find the "perfect" child?

I am not trying to knock them, it is clear from Tulsa World that the boy has some issue, probably a lot more than most people know how to handle. Here is my question though, if it were their biological child, would they "get rid of him"? I am very confused.... This is not exactly something someone hears about on a daily basis.

Ok, in my life, there are times when my daughter drives me up the wall and down the other side! I think to myself  "Self, I wonder if your Mother wants to buy her for real cheap?" Then I laugh... I would never really do it, but it's still kinda funny. Ok, sorry, maybe not... but it releases the tension at the time!

I couldn't imagine her REALLY being gone, when she spends the night at my mother's house I miss her, even though I'm glad to have the time to myself.
I don't fear her (unless she's coming at me growling and threatening to take my nose) and she hasn't killed any animals (If she does I will cry!) but I love her!

I guess the situation is different, and I don't know what I would do in their position.

Several knives and fire-making materials were found under his mattress, and a trash can in his room had been set on fire. He soon was caught killing frogs by throwing them against a barn, and he hurt the family's pet dogs. He attacked a neighbor child with a board, and running away became common, she said.
Not "normal" but to me, he sounds troubled... but not incapable of being helped.
Ok, I don't know, I don't know the whole story or what the child IS capable of. I am torn though, I don't like the idea of "returning" a child, but at the same time, I would hate to see him hurt them, or them hurt him.

Please share your thoughts!
It's an amazing feeling to get my blogs out there and read. I have a lot of really great fans.

After writing the articles on Spanking, I feel totally drained. It's weird, but I think it's because I literally put my heart and soul into those articles.

I am extremely excited by the comments and praises I got. I am glad you all like my writing.
I am learning to fine tune certain things, and be more structured in my writing, and your comments are always welcome.

Suggestions are welcomed too!

I'll be writing more throughout the day, but I gotta get my energy back.
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