Listen to Cat Uncaged
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010 | 
Posted by
Catrina
You CAN NOT justify hitting a child or otherwise harming a child, to me, as God's command because frankly, You are WRONG.
As was pointed out to me by a recent visitor, the Rod of Correction is a redirection tool used for sheep. This tool was used in herding sheep and was never used as a tool of violence.
As stated on Religious Tolerence:
At first glance, these passages seem to instruct parents to discipline their children using violent means -- by physically hitting them with a rod, paddle, belt, or other implement. Many of the leading Fundamentalist Christian advocacy groups use this interpretation. Proverbs 22:15 says "The rod and rebuke give wisdom..." it is referring to the "rod of correction," meaning non-violent methods of correction and teaching a child. As proof of her interpretation, she quotes Proverbs 23:13: "...if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die." Over 1,000 children die each year in the U.S. as a result of corporal punishment. If "beatest him with the rod" really means to beat a child with a rod, then the Bible would be lying. But the Bible is the Word of God and does not lie. Thus, the passage must be referring to a non physical correction with a figurative rod.
So, a FIGURATIVE rod, being translated into "Beat the shit out of your children until they obey"...
Shocking how mankind turns something so innocent and in some ways, full of wisdom, into something violent and scary!
I would say take your rod, or your belt and put it in your.... (ok I will behave!)
If you choose to believe that the rod was for beating a child, you need to know this. These passages came from a VERY violent period of time! So what? You want to return to that time?
I doubt that VERY much!
Susan Lawrence of Arlington, MA, a homeschooling Lutheran mother, was distressed to see an advertisement for a child discipline tool called "The Rod" in a Christian homeschooling magazine. It is pictured above. Interviewed on Beliefnet, she said:
"There are about five verses in Proverbs that do speak of beating your son with a rod, and also in Proverbs they speak of beating fools on the back, and that kind of thing. There’s a lot of punishment in the Old Testament. If you read the whole thing, there are floggings and stonings and all kinds of harsh punishments."
When asked about Proverbs 23:13's statement: "...if you beat him with a rod he will not die. Beat him with a rod and you will save him from the grave," Lawrence said:
"It’s a lie, because children who are beaten with a rod sometimes do die. Between one and two thousand children die every year in this country from corporal punishment. One hundred forty-two thousand are seriously injured from corporal punishment every year in America, according to the Dept. of Health and Human Services and the New England Journal of Medicine. So it can’t be taken literally."
Yeah, a LOT of kids die from abuse, but because it's "God's Command" it's ok? Here's a thought for ya!
The commandment "thou shall not kill" (Exodus 20:13; Deuteronomy 5:17), is better understood to mean "you shall not murder." Most modern translations of the Bible rendered it this way. According to the Bible not all killing, the taking of a life, is murder. Murder is the unlawfully taking of human life. The command not to murder applies to human beings, not to killing animals or plant life for food. God gave animals to mankind for his use (Genesis 1:26-30; 9:1-4). But, this does not mean that humans have the right mistreat animals and the environment (Genesis 2:15; Deuteronomy 22:6-7; 25:4; Proverbs 12:10).
Ok, so just beat 'em a little, not kill em. (Frustration growing)
When a person is abused, or beaten or raped, it has been described as if a part of them died. So, my conclusion is this...
If you hit a child or beat a child, regardless of the extent of physical damage, the emotional damage is truly irreparable. You are, in a sense, killing your child, no matter how righteous you feel, you have NO right to do that!
Do you agree with abuse? Do you like it when children get hit when they have misbehaved?
I doubt it, I am making these bracelets and necklaces in an effort to remind parents, when times are tough, that it is never ok to hit a child!
If you become tempted, just remind yourself why you bought the bracelet! You don't want to hurt your child, or have your child fear you! You are a loving, caring parent! Make a promise to yourself and to your family now, that you will never hit!
You want love! Pink and Blue for boys and girls and red for Love!
This is a great gift for a new mom or dad, and a helpful reminder that Parenting is love!
If you are interested in another bracelet, or other colors,
Please contact me at clawzymom@yahoo.com
I can make most any colored bracelet you choose,
Make it have meaning for you:)
Please allow time for me to make them, as they are hand done with love!
I doubt it, I am making these bracelets and necklaces in an effort to remind parents, when times are tough, that it is never ok to hit a child!
If you become tempted, just remind yourself why you bought the bracelet! You don't want to hurt your child, or have your child fear you! You are a loving, caring parent! Make a promise to yourself and to your family now, that you will never hit!
You want love! Pink and Blue for boys and girls and red for Love!
This is a great gift for a new mom or dad, and a helpful reminder that Parenting is love!
If you are interested in another bracelet, or other colors,
Please contact me at clawzymom@yahoo.com
I can make most any colored bracelet you choose,
Make it have meaning for you:)
Please allow time for me to make them, as they are hand done with love!
I have done a fair amount of research this morning on spanking and Religion...
Unfortunately, I have found nothing in any religious culture that is against spanking. And I am sadly disgusted.
I found this Sermon preached at Gospel Light Christian Church, Singapore, by Pastor Dr Paul Choo
Introduction: We continue in our series of sermons on relationships - with God and with man. In our sermons on parent-child relationships, we have emphasized that parents are God's representatives to their children. Therefore, they must reflect God's characteristics and love to their children and train their children in God's way. In other words, parents must provide an atmosphere of obeying God, love, forgiveness and godly training. And it is in this type of environment that spanking helps in the training up of a child.
Parental spanking has been an accepted means of disciplining from the beginning of human history until the 1960's. Needless to say, parental spanking is often not used as a training tool used by godly parents, but as a means to vent parental frustration and to obtain some peace and quiet. Nowadays, the generally accepted view (successfully promoted by child training experts) is that all forms of parental spanking are "primitive and brutal" methods of disciplining a child used by uneducated, unenlightened people. In many countries, parental spanking is condemned as a criminal activity and is labeled as "child abuse."
Isn't it also true that the world's "experts" have managed to convince this generation that having more things makes us happier, having more education makes us wiser, having more training makes us more useful and having good looks makes us more confident and secure. However, is this generation happier, wiser, more useful and confident and secure? Or is the world's way vanity of vanities (ECC 1:2)? If so, shouldn't we seek a better way - God's way? What is God's way regarding parental spanking?
Spanking is necessary for training a child: "Foolishness is bound in the heart ofa child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him" (PRO 22:15). "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame" (PRO 29:15). The God of mercy and kindness would not advocate spanking if less painful methods were effective. Spanking is reserved for rebellion (ie, "I will not do") and not for childishness, forgetfulness, weakness or carelessness.
Spanking is an evidence of true parental love: "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes" (PRO 13:24). True love desires the best for the one that is loved - however much the pain. Biblical spanking hurts the child much but hurts the parent more! Spank with a "rod": The "rod' is always mentioned as the instrument of spanking in the Bible. The word "rod' literally means: "a branch, cut off as a graft." In other words, parental spanking was meant to inflict intense pain upon the skin without damaging the internal organs (PRO 19:18, 23:13,14). "Hands" are not to be used for spanking because they are for guiding and comforting a child. The buttock seems specially designed for receiving pain without suffering internal damage. Parents who cannot control their temper should not spank their children, until they learn to control themselves. Children are not "punching bags."
Spanking should begin early and should not be delayed: One of the key principles of effective training is to start as early as possible. Proverbs 13:24 says: "... but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (early)." Even a newborn babe can easily differentiate a disapproving tone from an encouraging one. This verse also teaches us that chastening should not be delayed but should take place as soon, as is reasonably possible after the rebellious act. Unnecessary delay leads to yelling and screaming (of unnecessary, hurtful words) and frustration (which leads to violent rather than corrective action). It also gives time for the child to develop bad feelings towards his parents.
Consistency is critical: Consistency is not natural in humans. It only comes with discipline, maturity and much prayer. Consistency implies that there must first be clearly defined and understood standards. In other words, the child must first be clearly informed of the rules and the consequences - and the parents must also adhere to them. It also implies that the punishment must fit the crime - in other words, there must be a consistency in severity of punishment. Parents, who cannot discipline themselves, have lost the moral right to discipline their children. Often, mothers are too emotional to spank their children.
Love must be evident throughout the process: Before spanking, the parent should explain to the child the reason for the spanking (how the rules were broken, and how the child refused to repent and rectify the situation). He must be told that he is loved but his rebellion is hateful to God and his parents. The actual act of spanking should be done with severity but not with violence - and there should be no excessive screaming or crying (which may be an act of rebellion against the chastening). After the spanking, the child should be asked to spend some time in quiet, reflecting on his deed - after which the parent should talk to him and re-explain his actions. In a healthy parent-child relationship, the greatest pain is that of disappointing the parents, and God.
Conclusion: It is not pleasant nor easy to spank our children in a godly way but "correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest, yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul" (PRO 29:17).
I doubt that anyone will ever see me in church again ever! I was under the impression that God loved his children, and would not seek to do them harm. I guess, I was wrong. Right now I am faced with a moral dilemma. The Bible was written by man, would God really want this? Would a loving, caring, nurturing God want me as a mother, to DOMINATE my child and to BEAT her. These "scriptures" make sure to say to not beat them to death, but still, my heart hurts.
I cannot and will not believe that a God that is supposed to care for all of us would want that. If He did, well, then I don't want that God in my life.
To raise a hand or "rod" to my child would, in my opinion, be a sin. To hurt her, on purpose, to maintain a discipline that really isn't there, is wrong. I am tearing up thinking about the fear that I would see in her eyes.
I could not live with myself if my daughter was afraid of me!
So, here I must decide... I will NOT beat my child. If that is to send me to Hell, then so be it!
Unfortunately, I have found nothing in any religious culture that is against spanking. And I am sadly disgusted.
I found this Sermon preached at Gospel Light Christian Church, Singapore, by Pastor Dr Paul Choo
Introduction: We continue in our series of sermons on relationships - with God and with man. In our sermons on parent-child relationships, we have emphasized that parents are God's representatives to their children. Therefore, they must reflect God's characteristics and love to their children and train their children in God's way. In other words, parents must provide an atmosphere of obeying God, love, forgiveness and godly training. And it is in this type of environment that spanking helps in the training up of a child.
Parental spanking has been an accepted means of disciplining from the beginning of human history until the 1960's. Needless to say, parental spanking is often not used as a training tool used by godly parents, but as a means to vent parental frustration and to obtain some peace and quiet. Nowadays, the generally accepted view (successfully promoted by child training experts) is that all forms of parental spanking are "primitive and brutal" methods of disciplining a child used by uneducated, unenlightened people. In many countries, parental spanking is condemned as a criminal activity and is labeled as "child abuse."
Isn't it also true that the world's "experts" have managed to convince this generation that having more things makes us happier, having more education makes us wiser, having more training makes us more useful and having good looks makes us more confident and secure. However, is this generation happier, wiser, more useful and confident and secure? Or is the world's way vanity of vanities (ECC 1:2)? If so, shouldn't we seek a better way - God's way? What is God's way regarding parental spanking?
Spanking is necessary for training a child: "Foolishness is bound in the heart ofa child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him" (PRO 22:15). "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame" (PRO 29:15). The God of mercy and kindness would not advocate spanking if less painful methods were effective. Spanking is reserved for rebellion (ie, "I will not do") and not for childishness, forgetfulness, weakness or carelessness.
Spanking is an evidence of true parental love: "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes" (PRO 13:24). True love desires the best for the one that is loved - however much the pain. Biblical spanking hurts the child much but hurts the parent more! Spank with a "rod": The "rod' is always mentioned as the instrument of spanking in the Bible. The word "rod' literally means: "a branch, cut off as a graft." In other words, parental spanking was meant to inflict intense pain upon the skin without damaging the internal organs (PRO 19:18, 23:13,14). "Hands" are not to be used for spanking because they are for guiding and comforting a child. The buttock seems specially designed for receiving pain without suffering internal damage. Parents who cannot control their temper should not spank their children, until they learn to control themselves. Children are not "punching bags."
Spanking should begin early and should not be delayed: One of the key principles of effective training is to start as early as possible. Proverbs 13:24 says: "... but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (early)." Even a newborn babe can easily differentiate a disapproving tone from an encouraging one. This verse also teaches us that chastening should not be delayed but should take place as soon, as is reasonably possible after the rebellious act. Unnecessary delay leads to yelling and screaming (of unnecessary, hurtful words) and frustration (which leads to violent rather than corrective action). It also gives time for the child to develop bad feelings towards his parents.
Consistency is critical: Consistency is not natural in humans. It only comes with discipline, maturity and much prayer. Consistency implies that there must first be clearly defined and understood standards. In other words, the child must first be clearly informed of the rules and the consequences - and the parents must also adhere to them. It also implies that the punishment must fit the crime - in other words, there must be a consistency in severity of punishment. Parents, who cannot discipline themselves, have lost the moral right to discipline their children. Often, mothers are too emotional to spank their children.
Love must be evident throughout the process: Before spanking, the parent should explain to the child the reason for the spanking (how the rules were broken, and how the child refused to repent and rectify the situation). He must be told that he is loved but his rebellion is hateful to God and his parents. The actual act of spanking should be done with severity but not with violence - and there should be no excessive screaming or crying (which may be an act of rebellion against the chastening). After the spanking, the child should be asked to spend some time in quiet, reflecting on his deed - after which the parent should talk to him and re-explain his actions. In a healthy parent-child relationship, the greatest pain is that of disappointing the parents, and God.
Conclusion: It is not pleasant nor easy to spank our children in a godly way but "correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest, yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul" (PRO 29:17).
I doubt that anyone will ever see me in church again ever! I was under the impression that God loved his children, and would not seek to do them harm. I guess, I was wrong. Right now I am faced with a moral dilemma. The Bible was written by man, would God really want this? Would a loving, caring, nurturing God want me as a mother, to DOMINATE my child and to BEAT her. These "scriptures" make sure to say to not beat them to death, but still, my heart hurts.
I cannot and will not believe that a God that is supposed to care for all of us would want that. If He did, well, then I don't want that God in my life.
To raise a hand or "rod" to my child would, in my opinion, be a sin. To hurt her, on purpose, to maintain a discipline that really isn't there, is wrong. I am tearing up thinking about the fear that I would see in her eyes.
I could not live with myself if my daughter was afraid of me!
So, here I must decide... I will NOT beat my child. If that is to send me to Hell, then so be it!
I am trying (and probably going to fail) to maintain composure and professionalism for this blog.
My Spanking rant was probably NOTHING compare to how I feel right now!
I am so extremely angry I almost do not know what to say!
Ok, First, let me share with you my reasons for my anger:
"No Greater Joy Ministries"
Sounds innocent enough right? Well, it's not!
First of all, when I read things like this it makes me want to injure the person who wrote it! Ironic I know, considering I HATE violence and would never actually strike someone. I hate that I am drawn to the basic instinct of protecting my own, even from reading a stupid article from a really stupid website! I digress, I am calm (calm-ish, not exactly screaming serenity here!)
First, I really need someone to answer me this question... This does not come from ANY bible I have read, but this No Greater Joy Ministries quotes it as such:
I am censoring my vulgar language here, forgive me, words will not come out as I desire.
I am so shocked that I am speechless! Doesn't happen often, but when someone or something is telling us that child abuse is the only way, the Right way, and honestly believes it, I am shocked!
I gotta find that Bible, I know I have one around here somewhere! I am a Christian, but I don't go to church, ok so I will burn in Hell or whatever, but I do NOT believe that God will punish me for not beating the daylights out of the person I love most! Hell, one would think that the "Loving" God would praise me for my restraint for the times I do want to throttle my child!
The more I read this page the more I want to SCREAM!!!!!
One woman writes to them in regards to her three year old screaming:
Ok, I hit the x button, before I drive myself to a brain aneurysm, I need to say this.
Hug your children closer today, please, hold them tight, tell them that you love them and mean it! I beg you, do not use God as an excuse to beat a child! Please!
My Spanking rant was probably NOTHING compare to how I feel right now!
I am so extremely angry I almost do not know what to say!
Ok, First, let me share with you my reasons for my anger:
"No Greater Joy Ministries"
Sounds innocent enough right? Well, it's not!
First of all, when I read things like this it makes me want to injure the person who wrote it! Ironic I know, considering I HATE violence and would never actually strike someone. I hate that I am drawn to the basic instinct of protecting my own, even from reading a stupid article from a really stupid website! I digress, I am calm (calm-ish, not exactly screaming serenity here!)
First, I really need someone to answer me this question... This does not come from ANY bible I have read, but this No Greater Joy Ministries quotes it as such:
"Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell (Proverbs 23:13-14)."If this TRULY says this in the bible, I don't know that it's a Book that I want to read! I am extremely troubled by this statement, and actually very hurt and disappointed!
"Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him (Proverbs 22:15)."I am pathetic, I am sitting here trying to find my Bible.
The question is, "If I am in a position where I cannot use the rod, am I already doomed to failure, or is there still hope? Can children be trained without use of the rod?" Absolutely. But they cannot be absolutely trained. Proper application of the rod is indispensable to communicating the divine principle of retributive justice, but any child, military man, employee, the neighbor’s kid, your dog, cat, or the birds in your yard can be trained through manipulating their relationship to their environment.What kind of God would want to induce harm into a human being especially a CHILD! Seriously, how can one say that a child cannot be fully "trained" (another word I hate when used as a parenting term) without a good beating?
If you are seeking to avoid the rod because you are an emotional coward or you are a product of contemporary philosophy, then not obeying God in this matter should not be considered an option. The Word of God teaches us the best method of child training, and proper use of the rod is a part of that program. Furthermore, if you abstain from use of the rod because you believe there is a better way, then you have revealed a fundamental flaw in your thinking that will leave a giant hole in any method you adopt. In other words, a person who understands the value and principle of the rod, but is somehow prevented from using it, will carry those valuable principles over into rodless training and so reap some of the benefits. Whereas the person that does not believe in use of the rod is so flawed in his understanding of human nature and life in general that no technique will be entirely effective for him.Well, if they put it like that, let me dig out the biggest stick I can find... NOT!!!
I am censoring my vulgar language here, forgive me, words will not come out as I desire.
I am so shocked that I am speechless! Doesn't happen often, but when someone or something is telling us that child abuse is the only way, the Right way, and honestly believes it, I am shocked!
I gotta find that Bible, I know I have one around here somewhere! I am a Christian, but I don't go to church, ok so I will burn in Hell or whatever, but I do NOT believe that God will punish me for not beating the daylights out of the person I love most! Hell, one would think that the "Loving" God would praise me for my restraint for the times I do want to throttle my child!
The more I read this page the more I want to SCREAM!!!!!
One woman writes to them in regards to her three year old screaming:
It is average, but not normal. She will grow out of the screaming, but it will be replaced by equally ugly adult responses to not getting her way. It is an easy habit to break. When she starts screaming, before you find out who is at fault, without saying a word, go straight to the switch. Spank her where she stands, and then inquire concerning the problem. Explain to her that the screaming will never again be allowed. When she is convinced that screaming will never get the other children in trouble, never gain her any sympathy, but only get her a spanking, she will stop her screaming.I don't know how much more I can read. I know, I know I should just click the little x button. I am sitting here in my living room saying the most horrible words to a web page... My daughter is at my Mother In Laws, so that's probably a good thing!
Ok, I hit the x button, before I drive myself to a brain aneurysm, I need to say this.
Hug your children closer today, please, hold them tight, tell them that you love them and mean it! I beg you, do not use God as an excuse to beat a child! Please!
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Ok, I'm angered by a comment I just heard. I do not believe I just heard it, but I did!
I could just scream and cry at the same time. At what point in our lives did we forget that children are human beings? If a husband hits a wife, it's abuse... If a wife hits her husband... it's abuse, (or assault depending on what part of the country you are from...) It is illegal for adults to physically assault one another etc.
SO WHEN DID IT BECOME OK TO TREAT KIDS LIKE TRASH AND HIT THEM. WHEN DID IT BECOME OK TO VIOLATE CHILDREN'S INNOCENSE TO THE POINT WHERE WE LOST CONTROL SO BADLY WE HAD TO HIT THEM TO GAIN DOMINANCE?
I have never, in all my life been so mad!
Nothing justifies someone wanting dominance over a child... What does "Family" even mean anymore?
I guess, kids are just reduced to vile animal like creatures now, and parents (some parents) feel the need to dominate them because they are to worthless to make it anywhere else?
Children are "stupid", "mindless" creatures that you have to forge into the path of to righteousness. Bloody hell, I'm tired of controlling parents that "KNOW" the only way to make a kid listen is to hit 'em a few times.
Kids make mistakes! YOU did, that's how we learn.
A little communication goes a LONG way people! How about words, not hitting!
Give kids some credit! I doubt there's that many stupid kids in the world, it's more like stupid parents that feel this need to control to the point of abuse!
If you want "perfect" kids, don't have any!
If you're looking for something to control, buy a Tamogatchi pet! Don't get a real pet, they don't deserve your crap either!
If you want to beat on something to make yourself feel superior... well, you know what you can do with that, now don't you!
Spanking is REQUIRED, for a parent to establish DOMINANCE over their children. Parents who do not spank will just be doormats for their children.
Spanking has been around for generations, and that's why I spank!I am livid. I have heard people advocate spanking, but as a requirement and to gain dominance over your own children?
I could just scream and cry at the same time. At what point in our lives did we forget that children are human beings? If a husband hits a wife, it's abuse... If a wife hits her husband... it's abuse, (or assault depending on what part of the country you are from...) It is illegal for adults to physically assault one another etc.
SO WHEN DID IT BECOME OK TO TREAT KIDS LIKE TRASH AND HIT THEM. WHEN DID IT BECOME OK TO VIOLATE CHILDREN'S INNOCENSE TO THE POINT WHERE WE LOST CONTROL SO BADLY WE HAD TO HIT THEM TO GAIN DOMINANCE?
I have never, in all my life been so mad!
Nothing justifies someone wanting dominance over a child... What does "Family" even mean anymore?
I guess, kids are just reduced to vile animal like creatures now, and parents (some parents) feel the need to dominate them because they are to worthless to make it anywhere else?
Children are "stupid", "mindless" creatures that you have to forge into the path of to righteousness. Bloody hell, I'm tired of controlling parents that "KNOW" the only way to make a kid listen is to hit 'em a few times.
Kids make mistakes! YOU did, that's how we learn.
A little communication goes a LONG way people! How about words, not hitting!
Give kids some credit! I doubt there's that many stupid kids in the world, it's more like stupid parents that feel this need to control to the point of abuse!
If you want "perfect" kids, don't have any!
If you're looking for something to control, buy a Tamogatchi pet! Don't get a real pet, they don't deserve your crap either!
If you want to beat on something to make yourself feel superior... well, you know what you can do with that, now don't you!
Ok, I don't usually do book reviews, but, this book is simply funny and amazing!
Babyhood by Paul Reiser
If you haven't read it, you should!
Ok, it's about a dad who goes from, before birth to birth, to fatherhood.
Honestly, I am horrible at reviews, bare with me.
A friend of mine gave me this book, because I love to read. Simple enough.
I expected something along the lines of the usual parenting book, with the "do this" and "do that" sort of thing... That was where I was wrong!
I'm sorry, I got off track, I do that, it's like Oh shiny... That happens when someone is IMing you when you're trying to think! (I'm being told a mom's job isn't a real job!)
ANYWAY so, back to babyhood, the guy is a comedian anyway, and in print, they're not usually as funny.
Well, I spent a good portion of the book laughing! It's a humorous view at what a dad goes through, feels, and thinks during "Babyhood".
This book reflects what he feels, and what he feels his son is thinking, during those moments when we all wish we knew what our kid was thinking.
The book describes some of his interactions with other parents, or parents to be.
I would really recomend you read it! I wish I were better at telling you about it!
Oh, hey, brilliant idea, I just looked up a more professional review of the book from Amazon.com:
There are more reviews, but who cares right? Seriously, this is an awesome book!
Babyhood by Paul Reiser
If you haven't read it, you should!
Ok, it's about a dad who goes from, before birth to birth, to fatherhood.
Honestly, I am horrible at reviews, bare with me.
A friend of mine gave me this book, because I love to read. Simple enough.
I expected something along the lines of the usual parenting book, with the "do this" and "do that" sort of thing... That was where I was wrong!
I'm sorry, I got off track, I do that, it's like Oh shiny... That happens when someone is IMing you when you're trying to think! (I'm being told a mom's job isn't a real job!)
ANYWAY so, back to babyhood, the guy is a comedian anyway, and in print, they're not usually as funny.
Well, I spent a good portion of the book laughing! It's a humorous view at what a dad goes through, feels, and thinks during "Babyhood".
This book reflects what he feels, and what he feels his son is thinking, during those moments when we all wish we knew what our kid was thinking.
The book describes some of his interactions with other parents, or parents to be.
I would really recomend you read it! I wish I were better at telling you about it!
Oh, hey, brilliant idea, I just looked up a more professional review of the book from Amazon.com:
Reiser shares insights into a host of subjects that one doesn't necessarily consider when approaching parenthood. For instance, while attending a barbecue party, he finds himself discussing body parts and body functions not usually tossed around with strangers. "I certainly understand in theory that if you're going through an event as universal and wondrous as childbirth, and especially if you're having difficulties, there is benefit in sharing. But the reality is I ... I don't feel like discussing my genitalia with anybody." Reiser's enthusiasm for his subject is apparent, which makes for a humorous foray into the magical world of Babyhood.If only I had the magic of words that these people do, then I would be famous! Yeay, anyway, here's another one:
This review is from: BabyhoodPaul Reiser wrote his own blurb on the inside of the book jacket for Parenthood, comparing his book with other parenting books. Other parenting books may tell you how to have a happy and healthy pregnancy, how to care for a newborn, and may give you first aid information you could use in an emergency, he says. In his book, though, you get to read about how tired he is plus there are some entertaining anecdotes about baby waste.The book itself is painfully funny, perfectly capturing the sleepless nights and bewilderment of new parenthood. In the chapter called "Things to Worry About" Reiser lists all the myriad worries that come along when you bring a new baby home, for example that you could make him wave to someone who doesn't wave back, thus traumatizing him for life. In the chapter "I've Never Been This Tired, Ever" Reiser states that he'd do twenty years of diaper changes if you could guarantee him a solid eight hours of sleep a night for those twenty years. Not only do these phenomena have an effect on you as a parent, but also as a member of a couple, and Reiser perfectly describes the decimation a baby can wreak on a heretofore healthy relationship.
I read this book when my first child was two months old and literally laughed until tears rolled down my cheeks. I re-read it recently now that my oldest is 2 and I have another infant, and I find it just as apt. If you're a parent, don't miss it.
There are more reviews, but who cares right? Seriously, this is an awesome book!
I wrote and published this story last fall on Associated Content:
I Died at 12: My Real Story
Publish Date: 08/13/2009
Obviously I didn't die, but my heart did; everything that I was died when I was 12. I used to be outgoing, and genuinely happy. That all changed when I went back to school in seventh grade. As a preteen anything someone does to you, or that you do to someone can be devastating. In my case, it was almost more than I could bear.My "best friend" in seventh grade, did what a lot of kids do to get ahead. She started a vulgar rumor about me. My life came crashing down around me. I was being laughed at by everyone, and others were calling me vulgar names and making vulgar gestures to go along with the nasty rumor. My life as I knew it came to an end so that another could get ahead.Sitting alone at lunch draws attention to you; there is no question about it. A boy, (who I later found out was mentally Ill) decided that since the rumor claimed me to be, among many painful things for a 12 year old to handle, a whore; I must be easy. He doted on me and like any vulnerable child I thought I was in love. I was smart enough to logically understand that I wasn't in love at 12 years old, but emotionally I wanted whatever anyone would give me, well, until he wanted more. I told him no! I told him that I wasn't ready for sex at 12 years old. I told him to stop.
I can never thank my mother enough for what she did that day. She invaded my privacy and stopped him right before I was raped. Damage had been done. I had no one to talk to about how he touched me. I had no one to tell that I didn't want to be touched. I wasn't raped but I was molested. I didn't want to be touched and I wasn't ready. I wanted my first time to be special not forced. Sadly, two years later, just after I entered high school, he returned and tried again. I am weak, and still I didn't want to be touched or hurt or intruded upon, but I couldn't stop him. I did, I don't remember much but I told him to leave, I told him to never come back. I told him I hated him. I told him how he hurt me. He just laughed. He laughed in my face. Perhaps the threat of my father with a baseball bat scared him away, I don't know, but I couldn't take back what had happened a second time. What I let happen. I let him hurt me and I don't know why. More than anything I want to stop him. I want the nightmares to stop. I might have been able to prevent the future issues.The vulgar rumor followed me to high school. Tantamount to torture I just wanted to die. I woke up every morning wondering how I could end my pain. I suffered through every day until I could take it no more. A girl in my English class had presented the rumor to the class. Two days before I had walked to my softball game and been followed and beaten on. She hit me in the back of the head. I kept walking, Tears streaming down my face. I was hoping she'd kill me. I couldn't fight back, there were 4 of them. I wasn't "good enough" she said. She didn't "like me", I was a "coward". So I kept walking, waiting, hoping, but they left me alone. They left me to suffer more.
English class, I was doing my assignment, they all laughed, I looked up. They pointed to me, you did "THAT"? The girls all claimed they saw me, in action. I wanted to tell them it wasn't true. We all know they wouldn't believe me. So I left class, I emptied my locker and left the school crying, as hard as I had ever cried. This was especially frightening to those who knew me. I don't cry in public, let alone in front of other kids. I got on the bus and cried the whole ride home. I cried.
One teacher pretended to care. (I later, (about a month ago) found out that he was a pedophile, another disaster averted thank God).
I couldn't wait to just end it all. My parent's cared but no one else. When you're a kid, it's just not enough. I was planning to say goodbye to everyone I loved and then find a way to die quietly. I was 14.
Two years of torture and hatred, I was going to end it.
"What's wrong" someone asked. I did what I had done for so long and ignored it. They didn't really care. If they cared they'd make it stop. They'd tell them all to stop.
"Catrina, what's wrong" The voice was a little stronger this time and I still ignored it. Chances are it was someone just wanting to start another heartless, hurtful rumor. I just wanted them to shut up.
"Catrina, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong"
Help me? You want to help me. Through tear filled eyes, I lied. I said I was ok. To anyone who knew me, which I believe this person did, when I cry, things are really bad.
"No you're not. Talk to me. I can and will help you, I promise."
More rumors followed, but it was bearable to hear. I felt a little stronger. I did drop out of school, but continued on with night school. I still suffer unimaginable nightmares. Also, extreme self esteem and social issues, but that day, and over 4 years; I became capable of living. I'm still learning to live. I have a daughter of my own. I hope she doesn't have to go through what I went through. I pray that she'll be ok. I pray that she doesn't hide when she see's those people. The one's who hurt her. I pray that she doesn't run when invited somewhere. I pray that she can someday feel free to just drop in on friends and maybe ever one day feel completely comfortable with her friendships.
I had several plans to kill myself. Because, one person cared; one person chose to not judge me by others comments; one person chose to continue contact with me even now. I am alive. That person really doesn't know what they did for me. I'd love to tell them but I'm scared. What if they find what happened to me. I am starting to feel, that it'll be ok. That's why I am writing it down. Because I can hold it in no longer.
There is a lot more to compound this, but perhaps all of the other issues wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't already willing myself to die.
Abuse is defined in the dictionary as: To treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way.
To speak insultingly, harshly, and unjustly to or about.
To commit sexual assault upon.
To use wrongly or improperly; misuse.
Bad or improper treatment; maltreatment
So, having defined abuse as such, does spanking fall into the category?
Well, according to Science Daily:
Children who are spanked or victims of other corporal punishment are more likely to have sexual problems as a teen or adult.Science Daily also says:
The results of four studies and found that spanking and other corporal punishment by parents is associated with an increased probability of three sexual problems as a teen or adult:
- Verbally and physically coercing a dating partner to have sex.
- Risky sex such as premarital sex without a condom.
- Masochistic sex such as being aroused by being spanked when having sex.
There are some who still claim that spanking is the answer to all of their problems. Striking the fear of God, or in this case, the parent, gives parents a false sense of "control" over their children.There are many advocates of spanking as a form of discipline. I still have no idea as to why. The more a parent tries to reassure me that they "Don't spank out of anger" or "Spanking is the only thing that works" the more I shake my head.
I remember being spanked as a child, and I hate the saying "Well, I was spanked, and I am okay!".
That may be true or it may not be. The point being, I was scared to be spanked. I remember hiding things so that I didn't tell my parents about them, for fear they would find out and spank me.
I honestly believe that things would have been different on me hiding things, I might have been better able to share and trust if I did not get spankings. That said, I love my parents, and I do understand that they did what they knew and were taught. I knew I would change that with my daughter.
Dr. Sears lists 10 reasons why hitting your child is wrong. I urge you to check out his site for the full list and explanations, I am going to summarize them:
10 REASONS NOT TO HIT YOUR CHILD
1. HITTING MODELS HITTING
2. HITTING DEVALUES THE CHILD
3. HITTING DEVALUES THE PARENT
4. HITTING MAY LEAD TO ABUSE
5. HITTING DOES NOT IMPROVE BEHAVIOR
6. HITTING IS ACTUALLY NOT BIBLICAL
7. HITTING PROMOTES ANGER - IN CHILDREN AND IN PARENTS
8. HITTING BRINGS BACK BAD MEMORIES
10. SPANKING DOESN'T WORK
Again, I urge you to see Dr. Sears Website...
There are more articles on the side effects of spanking for both parent and child!
So again, I come back to wondering, is there any REAL reason to spank? I am still looking for someone who can give me a better excuse than, "Nothing else works".
Family Education has an article written about a mom who spanks:
We do spank our child, but only when it's necessary. We use time-outs, or other non-physical punishments first and if the behavior or situation isn't corrected, then we'll spank her, but only on her bottom. We tell her if she doesn't behave she will get a spanking -- so it's her choice to correct her behavior or take the spanking. For the most part, time-outs work sufficiently. But I do believe that a spanking now and then, if deserved, is okay.
-- Heidi1969
When does a child EVER deserve to be hit? I personally feel that this mother is using spanking as a scare tactic to get the child to do what she wants. Yes, time out's are similar, but time outs do not require physical force or violence!
Here is another one:
I used to think that spanking was absolutely wrong. Because I was beaten regularly myself as a child, I vowed never to hit my children. I think I was wrong. I'm not for wholesale beating -- or even light spanking, for that matter -- as an answer to everything, but I do think spanking has its uses. Sometimes when I look at the spoiled rotten kids of today (not just my own), there are times when I think it could hurt a lot more not to spank. But parents should never spank (or discipline in any other way) when angry. Stop, cool down first, and then act appropriately.
-- Marlboro Man
Before you spank, please think of this. You promise your child that you will protect and love them forever. You spank, and your child is forever in doubt of whether you really mean what you say. You hit them, you caused pain, how could they NOT doubt what you say.
f you hit your child, you are only teaching them that hitting is ok, you are teaching them that they should fear you. I do not know about you, but I do not want my child to fear me EVER! It breaks my heart even thinking about her fearing me!
Personally, Tweeting and abortion on Twitter, to me, is a little much.
According to ABC News Angie Jackson chose to tweet an abortion that was done to "save her life". Doctors had informed her after her first pregnancy that she should not have any more children. She did have an IUD put in, with an abortion option as a back up.
I'm not against medical abortion, but I really feel using twitter to discuss it in detail, while going on, is asking for trouble...
Jackson has recieved many death threats and is being called a baby killer.
I find anti-abortion activists very hypocritical. They don't want babies "killed" but some are willing to kill to get their way!?
Whatever her choice was and for whatever her reasons, I don't personally think twitter was the right platform for the graphic details.
According to ABC News Angie Jackson chose to tweet an abortion that was done to "save her life". Doctors had informed her after her first pregnancy that she should not have any more children. She did have an IUD put in, with an abortion option as a back up.
I'm not against medical abortion, but I really feel using twitter to discuss it in detail, while going on, is asking for trouble...
Jackson has recieved many death threats and is being called a baby killer.
I find anti-abortion activists very hypocritical. They don't want babies "killed" but some are willing to kill to get their way!?
Whatever her choice was and for whatever her reasons, I don't personally think twitter was the right platform for the graphic details.
The new webpage is up:)
http://catuncaged.webs.com
http://catuncaged.webs.com
I love my daughter more than anything, but before she was born was a difficult time. Pregnancy was not kind to me. But that is a story for another day.When my daughter was born, I was scared and unsure. I loved my baby, but I did not bond immediately, as the books say. Bonding took several weeks. I breastfed Cailyn until she was 6 months old. It was a wonderful yet very trying situation. I feared I wasn't making enough Milk etc. Thanks to some wonderful online friends I stuck it through. Cracked, bleeding nipples and all.
My husband went back to work two weeks after she was born, and I was terrified, I was going to be alone, what if something happened? Well, it didn't and we were just fine, but the fear was real.
I think the thing that I found most interesting was the first month of her life was not at all like they said it would be. The books and magazines portrayed this wonderful, magical time, but it was difficult and strange, uncharted territory. I learned the ways of my daughter, what she liked, what she didn't and things got easier.There are times that she is difficult and doesn't want to agree to anything, but I know we all get like that.
I love being a mother now, and though it was hard in the beginning, I have grown and changed and learned so much from being a parent.
I had a teenager, she was about 13, tell me she was trying to have a baby. I was floored! I mean at 13 why would one want a baby?
I remember when I was 13 and a baby was the LAST thing on my mind.
Why is it that teens want babies?
Do they want the poop filled diapers and the sleepless nights and daytime trips to the hospital. While doing all this, they still Have to remain in school, and have to figure out a way to pay for this mouth to feed?
Where would a 13 year old come up with the resources to pay for a baby. If my daughter were like a cat life would be so much easier. (even though she does sometimes act like an animal.... see picture!)
But children are not animals, no matter how much you think they are. They are human beings with minds, and behaviors and tantrums, and happiness.
A child IS a blessing to someone who is old enough to see it, and has all their schooling under their belts.
I'm not saying that teen mothers are bad people. They are not. I am saying that wanting a child at the age of 13 is sad, and kind of wrong.
Around the age of 16 our hormones start kicking in and we start to crave sex and things of that nature, but to have a baby that early, is emotionally draining for a lot of teens.
Parents need to talk with their kids, and explain what having a child really is. A child isn't a handbag or shirt, and once you have one, there is no going back.
I also disagree and hate it when parents shun their kids or disown them for becoming pregnant in their teen years. This is disgraceful! When your child needs you the most, you let them down?
I dunno, I just think that we moms need to stop glorifying to kids what motherhood is about. I love my daughter! BUT I would not want to have had her in my teens. She was born when I was 20. I had so many people tell me that I was too young, and that I would regret it. I don't, but If I had been pregnant before that, I might have. I think it is wrong to make children feel unwanted. A lot of teen mothers resent having a child so soon in life.
I remember when I was 13 and a baby was the LAST thing on my mind.
Why is it that teens want babies?
Where would a 13 year old come up with the resources to pay for a baby. If my daughter were like a cat life would be so much easier. (even though she does sometimes act like an animal.... see picture!)
But children are not animals, no matter how much you think they are. They are human beings with minds, and behaviors and tantrums, and happiness.
A child IS a blessing to someone who is old enough to see it, and has all their schooling under their belts.
I'm not saying that teen mothers are bad people. They are not. I am saying that wanting a child at the age of 13 is sad, and kind of wrong.
Around the age of 16 our hormones start kicking in and we start to crave sex and things of that nature, but to have a baby that early, is emotionally draining for a lot of teens.
Parents need to talk with their kids, and explain what having a child really is. A child isn't a handbag or shirt, and once you have one, there is no going back.
I also disagree and hate it when parents shun their kids or disown them for becoming pregnant in their teen years. This is disgraceful! When your child needs you the most, you let them down?
I dunno, I just think that we moms need to stop glorifying to kids what motherhood is about. I love my daughter! BUT I would not want to have had her in my teens. She was born when I was 20. I had so many people tell me that I was too young, and that I would regret it. I don't, but If I had been pregnant before that, I might have. I think it is wrong to make children feel unwanted. A lot of teen mothers resent having a child so soon in life.
I am one of those people who is blessed to have a great relationship with my mom.She is one of the kindest, kick ass, people I know.
I would love to sit here and say she's perfect, but that would be a great injustice to my mom. Frankly, I don't want her to be perfect.
This may sound odd but in my mind, perfection is overrated and makes others feel silly and stupid.
It's a great feeling that I can call my mom at any time and get advice in parenting, talk about my misery that day, or just talk. My husband makes fun of me sometimes for talking to my mom, sometimes 5 times a day or more. I get bored, I call mom. That simple.
Now, I need to include my dad in this, because he is a great dad too. My dad is one of those people who does not show emotion that well. I have never once doubted his love though.
My dad has been through a lot. He broke his back working as a CNA, gained a lot of weight, then had 3 heart attacks.
He wants to change all that is is actively working with the doctor's to change that.
My parents are great people, and it's been a great thing for me. My parents take Cailyn on the weekend for a night or two. It's a huge help for them to do this as it allows me and my husband, time to relax.
I miss Cailyn when she's gone, but the saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is so true! When she comes home, I am relaxed, and ready to begin again.
I don't know where I would be without my parents and I hope I don't have to find out any time soon
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Someone said to me that I was stupid, and that all I needed to do was take my pills and "get over it".I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream. "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND"
I do take medications, but it's not enough, it's never going to be enough. I feel so helpless and hopeless some days. I want to sleep, and never wake up. I don't want to burden those around me with my insane thoughts and craziness!
I just want to think clearly, and I want to be happy. I wish that little things, minor disappointments, wouldn't send me into a spiral of depression. I have TRIED to control this, but I can't.
"It's not a life threatening illness!"
Sadly, yes it is, Bi Polar can be life threatening. It takes a bad day, a rut you just can't climb out of. I am scared of those days. I don't want to have a day where I just can't take it anymore.
I turn to those I love. Even they don't always understand. When I am asking for help, I do not communicate it properly, for fear of rejection. I tend to withdraw completely.If only people heard what I was saying.
I just don't talk about it, I don't share the feelings because who really cares?
An online friend talked me into sharing this with the world. If nothing else, maybe I can help someone else.
When people say "suck it up." they ought to think about it. Maybe this person can't.
Maybe this person needs help. Sometimes a friend helps. One who knows that you are different, but loves you anyway.
This may sound odd, but if you want to know why, please, keep reading.
Throughout my life, I have had severe self esteem issues, severe depression, thoughts of suicide and inability to concentrate or finish tasks. Without me getting into a whole lot of history, and boring you, I will tell you about a basic day in my life.
Anything I do has to be in the short term. By this I mean I cannot partake in long lasting activities like a large craft project. I can maintain my attention for very short amounts of time. I hate it! I hate everything about it. I love crafting and quilting, but for as long as I could remember, anything I enjoyed, had to be short lived.
I finally decided about a year ago that I had to get help, or it would end badly. So I talked to my doctor, who told me I have severe Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, primarily inattentive. I didn't want to believe it, labels and stuff, I hate labels.
I rebelled, in a way, I didn't want to think it. Sure, it's just ADHD, but I don't want it. Why can't they just tell me it's all in my head. It IS in my head, but uncontrollable and becoming increasingly worse. So the doctor made a deal with me. Try the medicine for 6 months. If it didn't work, we would try alternative therapy.
Well, my head seemed to clear some. I still do not have the normal attention span of an adult. I am on the max medication I can be, so I have to live with it. No matter how much it sucks.
Recently, I had noticed that something was still off. The doctor told me that I would feel changes, but usually ADHD is secondary to a primary "illness". I was to attempt to figure out what it was. Yeah, this sucks.
I pretended for 6 months that the medicine was working, and that even though it wasn't perfect, it was the best I would ever be able to concentrate. Still not able to do long term stuff. I wish I could change, I cry a lot.
Anyway, I began to notice a pattern, the doctor was right, and I was scared.
I was fooling myself that ADHD was all that I had, I guess I knew I wouldn't be that "lucky".
I had always had major bouts of depression, what I had assumed was due to lack of energy and drive associated with ADHD. I noticed something that I "knew" before but hadn't thought much of.Whenever I had moment's of euphoria or happiness, I would always hit rock bottom of depression. And I would stay there for days, weeks or even months!
I just want to enjoy ONE day and not have to fall so far down when it's over. My daughter's birthday's are happy, followed by extreme sadness. I just want to be a normal mom to my little girl and she deserves that.
I do, however, give her everything I can, and force myself to show her all this as little as possible, but she knows. Kids know.
I suppose one positive thing comes from this nightmare that is my head, I can, and have been more understanding of her problems, "failures" and successes. She is, amazingly, a rock in my life. A single solid place that I cannot go a day without thinking about or concentrating on. The doctor said that the hormones in our mommy brains overwrite or at least rewrite some of the illnesses that effect the brain.
I want to blame people, but it doesn't do anything. I drive people away, unintentionally because I need someone to talk to, but they really don't know what to say. I become disappointed when something doesn't go perfectly, or when things aren't the way I want them. I lose interest if results are not immediate.I become easily offended, whether intentional on the offender's behalf or not. I don't want to be hurt but I expect it so much that everything said to me I automatically assume to be negative.
I consistently wonder if I am the best parent for my daughter. I am always scared that what I am going through will harm her. She is my life, and I love her more than ANYTHING. I hurt so bad to think that I am causing her harm. It's NOT easy to be a mom with Severe ADHD and BiPolar, and I get mad sometimes that I have to live this way. I just hope that no matter what, my daughter knows that I love her, and that she is NOT the cause for any of this!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Ok, first let me say this is my OWN personal opinion, I am not saying in any way that someone else is not entitled to their opinion, but I am posting my OWN opinion. I cannot guarantee this will be all cutesy and lacking accusations. Having said that here it is:
Ok first thing, I think that forcing a child to lay in bed screaming and crying for any longer than 10 minutes is just cruel and unusual. When my daughter was an infant (under age one) my doctor told me that it is harmful to a child to let them cry without at least letting them know that you ARE there. Yes, children need to learn proper sleep habits, but they can learn this without being or feeling abandoned.
I'm not a radical attachment parenting person, however I feel that a mom has a certain responsibility to her child. To protect and help. Teaching your child is more than just when they get old enough to speak, teaching your child starts at birth.
These quotes right here bothers me:
"It's OK if you need to cry because crying will actually help you fall asleep faster."
"It's really important for the door to stay closed (locked) all night long in order to keep you safe. I'll open it at breakfast time."
Thankfully I am not the only one severely troubled by these two comments this comment was posted at the bottom on the page:
I cannot believe that some people LOCK THEIR KIDS IN AT NIGHT!!! We shut Cailyn's door, but she asks us too LOL, and we live in an apartment so it is a small space and shutting the door keeps noise out. We use a baby monitor, (even though we can hear her without it) if she hollers or needs us, we go in.
She can open the door too.
I am also concerned with this, I know that children potty train on their own schedule, but read this:
I think this is silly. Number one kids are being sent to school really early on in their lives now. Number 2 parents should never lie or be vague about something like this. Being potty trained is required for a few reasons that I am sure most don't think about. Bodily fluids being passed around, say if the child leaks through, through out the class can be very dangerous. Most diseases are spread easily this way. Also, being potty trained helps protect teachers from accusations. Being potty trained takes stress off of the teachers as well.
Ok first thing, I think that forcing a child to lay in bed screaming and crying for any longer than 10 minutes is just cruel and unusual. When my daughter was an infant (under age one) my doctor told me that it is harmful to a child to let them cry without at least letting them know that you ARE there. Yes, children need to learn proper sleep habits, but they can learn this without being or feeling abandoned.
I'm not a radical attachment parenting person, however I feel that a mom has a certain responsibility to her child. To protect and help. Teaching your child is more than just when they get old enough to speak, teaching your child starts at birth.
These quotes right here bothers me:
"It's OK if you need to cry because crying will actually help you fall asleep faster."
"It's really important for the door to stay closed (locked) all night long in order to keep you safe. I'll open it at breakfast time."
Thankfully I am not the only one severely troubled by these two comments this comment was posted at the bottom on the page:
Lots of good comment BUT…
crying doesn’t help a child fall asleep faster - it helps them to go to bed upset, which in turn will cause more night waking. If they are ignored then they learn not to cry not b/c they are good sleepers but b/c they know their needs will be ignored. If my husband ignored me when I was upset I’m sure our relationship would suffer why would it be any different for children?
Also why would i need to lock my child in their room to keep them safe? If my child needs me they should be able to come out of bed and find me. If you want them to not wander the house without waking you up or want to know where they are then a baby gate enclosing the bedroom area at night or close their doors after they are asleep. Their room should be a safe place not a prison.
No matter how people try to portray parenting it is a 24 hour job, not one that ends when your child goes to sleep. I believe that what is easiest for parents is usually not the best for the child.
By Debi on November 4, 2009
I cannot believe that some people LOCK THEIR KIDS IN AT NIGHT!!! We shut Cailyn's door, but she asks us too LOL, and we live in an apartment so it is a small space and shutting the door keeps noise out. We use a baby monitor, (even though we can hear her without it) if she hollers or needs us, we go in.
She can open the door too.
I am also concerned with this, I know that children potty train on their own schedule, but read this:
Preschool 'by-laws' are gradually evolving, thank goodness. Some are still very strict but most are reasonable. If your child has a thin pull-up on for some weeks most teachers will turn a blind eye. I'm not suggesting you lie about how complete the toilet training job is, but I do suggest you be...vague in your answer. "It is coming along very well, though I will send her in a pull-up at first just to save you any time or trouble."
I think this is silly. Number one kids are being sent to school really early on in their lives now. Number 2 parents should never lie or be vague about something like this. Being potty trained is required for a few reasons that I am sure most don't think about. Bodily fluids being passed around, say if the child leaks through, through out the class can be very dangerous. Most diseases are spread easily this way. Also, being potty trained helps protect teachers from accusations. Being potty trained takes stress off of the teachers as well.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
We all have things that we are passionate about, things that we would "fight to the death" for. I mean this more in a figurative sense than a literal sense. Some people pick causes like nature or politics while others pick things like religion.
When someone asks me what I am passionate about, I think I have figured out I do not have a single thing that I set my whole life in attaining. I do have many issues that I am willing to lay it all out to someone as in discussion.
Parenting, and healthy kids (by healthy I mean fed, clothed, free of violence and hate) is one of my biggest subjects. I had someone a while back think it was funny to run their mouth and pretend I had kicked my daughter. He was 16 and I don't think he really understood what he could have done with his attitude.
I flipped out, I yelled at him (which is unusual for me) in front of a room full of people (which is even more unusual for me). I told him that he did not realize what he was doing and that (God forbid) someone took him seriously! While he was saying his stupid comments (which he said because he was angry with me) I instantly became scared. I began trembling. I have seen parents lose their childen, and for much less than an angry teens' accusation out of anger. I wanted to cry, but I knew that I had to make a stand. (Which is another story!) he went on for a minute or two, which felt like years. I yelled at him: "You need to stop, you do NOT understand what you're saying." He laughed at me and continued on, and I lost it...
The next day he apologized, and I did break down into tears. I explained what he could have done to my daughter, to me and to our family. I blubbered like a baby. I am 25 years old and a 16 year old made me cry, just like back in highschool, only this time, it was different. This time it was about something that really matters.
Nothing scares me more than having something happen to my baby girl. I know she's not a baby anymore, but she will always be my baby.
I guess, the more I write and think about it, the more I realize that I am concretely passionate about children's wellfare!
There are more subjects that really make my blood boil, but anything to do with my child is going to be the fire under my butt for motivation.
When someone asks me what I am passionate about, I think I have figured out I do not have a single thing that I set my whole life in attaining. I do have many issues that I am willing to lay it all out to someone as in discussion.Parenting, and healthy kids (by healthy I mean fed, clothed, free of violence and hate) is one of my biggest subjects. I had someone a while back think it was funny to run their mouth and pretend I had kicked my daughter. He was 16 and I don't think he really understood what he could have done with his attitude.
I flipped out, I yelled at him (which is unusual for me) in front of a room full of people (which is even more unusual for me). I told him that he did not realize what he was doing and that (God forbid) someone took him seriously! While he was saying his stupid comments (which he said because he was angry with me) I instantly became scared. I began trembling. I have seen parents lose their childen, and for much less than an angry teens' accusation out of anger. I wanted to cry, but I knew that I had to make a stand. (Which is another story!) he went on for a minute or two, which felt like years. I yelled at him: "You need to stop, you do NOT understand what you're saying." He laughed at me and continued on, and I lost it...
The next day he apologized, and I did break down into tears. I explained what he could have done to my daughter, to me and to our family. I blubbered like a baby. I am 25 years old and a 16 year old made me cry, just like back in highschool, only this time, it was different. This time it was about something that really matters. Nothing scares me more than having something happen to my baby girl. I know she's not a baby anymore, but she will always be my baby.
I guess, the more I write and think about it, the more I realize that I am concretely passionate about children's wellfare!
There are more subjects that really make my blood boil, but anything to do with my child is going to be the fire under my butt for motivation.
Monday, February 22, 2010
I had all sorts of things I was going to write about today, and I cannot remember one of them!
I need to carry a notebook around, then perhaps if I go out of the house for more than 5 minutes I might remember my name, and my ideas.
I find it really funny when I say a curse word, and my little mimic repeats it. Perhaps, funny is not the right word, I think I mean ironic and disconcerting. I have been talking the way I do now for many years. I don't talk like a sailor, but I do curse and say "naughty" saying and jokes.
It is very hard to change one's habits. Sure, it's true I do not want Cailyn, (my daughter) following in my inappropriate footsteps, but I become sad when society cannot understand that I faultered and will never hear the end of it. (from her and from everyone else)
I also become very disturbed and very scared when I hear my daughter joking that someone hit her. She has never been hit in her little life, but I know that if she says that to the wrong person, we will all be drug out in the street and shot. I think that it's wonderful that Child services protects children, and investigates every claim, but I am scared because often time they do not look close enough.
So, what to do? I don't know. Honestly, I guess we just go on and hope everything comes out good in the end right?
I need to carry a notebook around, then perhaps if I go out of the house for more than 5 minutes I might remember my name, and my ideas.
I find it really funny when I say a curse word, and my little mimic repeats it. Perhaps, funny is not the right word, I think I mean ironic and disconcerting. I have been talking the way I do now for many years. I don't talk like a sailor, but I do curse and say "naughty" saying and jokes.
It is very hard to change one's habits. Sure, it's true I do not want Cailyn, (my daughter) following in my inappropriate footsteps, but I become sad when society cannot understand that I faultered and will never hear the end of it. (from her and from everyone else)
I also become very disturbed and very scared when I hear my daughter joking that someone hit her. She has never been hit in her little life, but I know that if she says that to the wrong person, we will all be drug out in the street and shot. I think that it's wonderful that Child services protects children, and investigates every claim, but I am scared because often time they do not look close enough.
So, what to do? I don't know. Honestly, I guess we just go on and hope everything comes out good in the end right?
If you like games, online game, Role Playing games, etc You will love Evony.com. Evony is an intense RPG where the battles are vicious and the friends are real.
Evony is an online game, browser based, needing no download. This is great for many reasons, no need to use up computer space, though I probably would anyway. I, personally, love this game.
In the game you will get a "Lord Name" I am known as clawzy and I am located on http://ss2.evony.com/s.html so if you join, look me up. You start out with a basic town. You build it yourself, which is the main object of attraction for me. You build everything from cottages to barracks (which is where the fun comes in). In the beginning building and training times are somewhat slow. But if you can wait it out, you will have a large army and be ready to battle in no time.
Beginners are given 1 week to build, attack free. This is called "Beginner Protection". In that time you have the opportunity to join an alliance. I recommend joining an alliance as it offers you advice, and protection once the 7 days is up.
You start with a plethora of free items including beginner packages and other items that give you a jump start. This game is easily played by anyone who has no experience with this type of game. The "Quest" menu sets you up with what you need to work towards and once completed you get rewards.
As you grow, and become higher rank you obtain the ability to conquer or build more cities. At the current time, you can build up to 10 cities! Each day you are awarded an "Amulet" as a daily quest. This is a neat object that once activated, spins a wheel and you randomly receive a cool item.
The chat interface is perhaps the only frustrating thing I have come across. Alliance chats and Whisper's are free, talking in world chat costs "speakers". You start out and earn several speakers, but it can be limiting at times. On a positive note about the required speakers, it limits people who are trying to spam or annoy others.
Evony IS free, but like most online games, there is a shop. If you want to spend money, or if you win money, you can buy several items from a very extensive shop.
Evony offers a community forum free of charge. You can go in and discuss the game, ask questions and even report any problems or glitches.
I had a problem, a while back, that a purchase I had made did not go through. Evony did a great job of fixing the error and compensated the players that experienced the delay.
You can play Evony without being in an alliance as well. The Player Versus Player aspect of this game is my favorite part. War, in the online world, and peace is what draws me in.
Being part of an alliance allows other members to send you supplies if you need them, and allows you to get reinforcements if you are under attack.
If you enjoy gaming, or are looking for something to do online. I urge you to try Evony. I believe it is a game anyone can play, and I believe it is a game that most will enjoy!
Evony is an online game, browser based, needing no download. This is great for many reasons, no need to use up computer space, though I probably would anyway. I, personally, love this game.
In the game you will get a "Lord Name" I am known as clawzy and I am located on http://ss2.evony.com/s.html so if you join, look me up. You start out with a basic town. You build it yourself, which is the main object of attraction for me. You build everything from cottages to barracks (which is where the fun comes in). In the beginning building and training times are somewhat slow. But if you can wait it out, you will have a large army and be ready to battle in no time.
Beginners are given 1 week to build, attack free. This is called "Beginner Protection". In that time you have the opportunity to join an alliance. I recommend joining an alliance as it offers you advice, and protection once the 7 days is up.
You start with a plethora of free items including beginner packages and other items that give you a jump start. This game is easily played by anyone who has no experience with this type of game. The "Quest" menu sets you up with what you need to work towards and once completed you get rewards.
As you grow, and become higher rank you obtain the ability to conquer or build more cities. At the current time, you can build up to 10 cities! Each day you are awarded an "Amulet" as a daily quest. This is a neat object that once activated, spins a wheel and you randomly receive a cool item.
The chat interface is perhaps the only frustrating thing I have come across. Alliance chats and Whisper's are free, talking in world chat costs "speakers". You start out and earn several speakers, but it can be limiting at times. On a positive note about the required speakers, it limits people who are trying to spam or annoy others.
Evony IS free, but like most online games, there is a shop. If you want to spend money, or if you win money, you can buy several items from a very extensive shop.
Evony offers a community forum free of charge. You can go in and discuss the game, ask questions and even report any problems or glitches.
I had a problem, a while back, that a purchase I had made did not go through. Evony did a great job of fixing the error and compensated the players that experienced the delay.
You can play Evony without being in an alliance as well. The Player Versus Player aspect of this game is my favorite part. War, in the online world, and peace is what draws me in.
Being part of an alliance allows other members to send you supplies if you need them, and allows you to get reinforcements if you are under attack.
If you enjoy gaming, or are looking for something to do online. I urge you to try Evony. I believe it is a game anyone can play, and I believe it is a game that most will enjoy!
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I read a blog/site drmomma.org that discusses peaceful parenting. It's a wonderful site and some people say it is not possible. I disagree, being at peace with yourself and your children is easy to accomplish.
For one, stop trying to "control" your children. You are here to teach them. You are not their master, they are not your slave, they are human beings and should be treated as such. Yelling happens, I yell, I don't like to, but I know when I get to the point of yelling, that I need a break. When I yell, I know I need to step back, breath, and calm down.
The key to being a good parent, well, not a good parent, but to having good kids, is positive praise. Positive reinforcement for behaviors that you like.
For example, if your child picks something up, be it by direction or by their own choice, tell them that you like that and they did a good job.
Stop looking for things to nag at them about. If they drew a picture, don't say, well it SHOULD look like this, instead say, Oh I like that. Remember they are young and want nothing more than to please you.
If you ask your child child to do something, and they try, tell them they did a great job. They are children, do not expect perfection. Try not to point out what they MISSED, or if you need to point it out, say something like:
Your child may not know what they missed, or forgot and pointing it out is a breeding ground for self doubt and low esteem.
As for homework, grades, and other such things. I hate that parents get on their kids for anything less than perfect. No one is perfect, and expecting perfection, from a child, is just ludicrous! If they're having trouble in school, do not reprimand them, try and help them.
Yelling increases frustration for you and your child. Communication takes a massive down spiral and overall, it's not very fun. Try stepping back and talking to your child, as if they matter, and I bet you'll go farther.
There is an old saying my mom used to tell me
It's not about being perfect. Children need to see imperfection. It's about love and understanding and communication.
For one, stop trying to "control" your children. You are here to teach them. You are not their master, they are not your slave, they are human beings and should be treated as such. Yelling happens, I yell, I don't like to, but I know when I get to the point of yelling, that I need a break. When I yell, I know I need to step back, breath, and calm down.
The key to being a good parent, well, not a good parent, but to having good kids, is positive praise. Positive reinforcement for behaviors that you like.For example, if your child picks something up, be it by direction or by their own choice, tell them that you like that and they did a good job.
Stop looking for things to nag at them about. If they drew a picture, don't say, well it SHOULD look like this, instead say, Oh I like that. Remember they are young and want nothing more than to please you.
If you ask your child child to do something, and they try, tell them they did a great job. They are children, do not expect perfection. Try not to point out what they MISSED, or if you need to point it out, say something like:
Wow, You did a really great job on that! Lets do this part together.
Your child may not know what they missed, or forgot and pointing it out is a breeding ground for self doubt and low esteem.
As for homework, grades, and other such things. I hate that parents get on their kids for anything less than perfect. No one is perfect, and expecting perfection, from a child, is just ludicrous! If they're having trouble in school, do not reprimand them, try and help them.
Yelling increases frustration for you and your child. Communication takes a massive down spiral and overall, it's not very fun. Try stepping back and talking to your child, as if they matter, and I bet you'll go farther.
There is an old saying my mom used to tell me
You'll get more flies with Honey than you will with VinegarIn other words, you'll get farther with praise than you will with nagging and yelling.
It's not about being perfect. Children need to see imperfection. It's about love and understanding and communication.
Female circumcision, the partial or total cutting away of the external female genitalia, has been practiced for centuries in parts of Africa, generally as one element of a rite of passage preparing young girls for womanhood and marriage. Often performed without anesthetic under septic conditions by lay practitioners with little or no knowledge of human anatomy or medicine, female circumcision can cause death or permanent health problems as well as severe pain. Despite these grave risks, its practitioners look on it as an integral part of their cultural and ethnic identity, and some perceive it as a religious obligation.
Ok, so, to me, as a woman, this sounds SO GROSS and VERY PAINFUL!
This is also one of the least talked about, procedures there is. I had heard about this years ago when a male was abducting females and performing these "circumcisions" with nothing more than bits of glass. I was grossed out then, and I am now.
So, this is leading me to my next point. If it's not ok to do to females, why then, is it ok to do to males?
Sunday, February 21, 2010
First of all, if you do not know what Circumcision is, familydoctor.org says this:
What is circumcision?
During a circumcision, the foreskin, which is the skin that covers the tip of the penis, is removed. Circumcision is usually performed on the first or second day after birth. It becomes more complicated and riskier in infants older than 2 months and in boys and men. The procedure takes only about 5 to 10 minutes. A local anesthetic (numbing medicine) can be given to your baby to lessen the pain from the procedure.
Sounds easy enough right? Though I am a woman, and have no personal experience with this particular procedure, I hear it is very painful, especially in older or adult males.
Studies are being conducted,(and will probably always be conducted, this is how we humans are) about the benefits and risks of circumcision. The American Academy of Pediatrics first states this:
Despite the debate that continues over the benefits
and risks of nonritual neonatal circumcision,
it remains one of the most commonly
performed surgical procedures in the United States.
There were nearly 1.2 million circumcisions performed
in the United States in 1992, with ;62% of all male
newborns undergoing this procedure (personal communication,
National Center for Health Statistics).
There is ample evidence that newborns are capable
of experiencing pain, and there is a physiologic
stress response that anesthesia or analgesia
can help ameliorate.
I cannot even imagine a doctor performing a "surgery" without anesthetic!! I mean OUCH, that HAS to hurt?!? I would guess that because doctors felt that because they didn't "remember" having a circumcision done, that it wasn't Painful?!?
As I kept reading the medical journal my suspicions were proven true:
Newborns should not be
denied pain relief based on their physicians’ ignorance
of this literature. Advocates for infants and
children need to support educating practitioners
about the importance of anesthesia for all neonatal
surgical procedures.
A total of 23% do not use pain control because “the
infants will not remember” the painful experience.
On another note of interest, studies on male circumcision and sexually transmitted diseases or STD's. The findings of a very short study published by the AAP were this:
CONCLUSIONS. These findings suggest that uncircumcised males are at greater risk of
acquiring sexually transmitted infection than circumcised males. Male circumcision
may reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infection acquisition and transmission
by up to one half, suggesting substantial benefits accruing from routine
neonatal circumcision.
I guess my overall, personal, conclusion is this. I believe it should be the child's decision. Now, you do not have to agree with me, I respect that, BUT this is a major elective surgery. This effects the child's sexual encounters and overall health. Surgery is riskier for older males, but circumcision is performed every day, and just as damaging to a baby as an adult. I really feel this is the child's decision.
Here are some links to some possible books for you to read.
Oh the days of boredom are gone. I have finally come to the understanding, and yes, acceptance that I am In fact, a Geek.While this term may seem derogatory or whatever, ask any geek and they will proudly tell you what they are.
We already know that society finds the need to label everything. I am a mother with severe ADHD etc. I mean really, why not give yourself one final classification that really sets it out there as to your interests. It's much easier than explaining.
I love the internet, and reading and blogging and playing computer games. I just get into that stuff.Only to have it said "Oh you're a geek?"
Yes I am.
Now when someone asks me what I like to do I say: "Well, I am a geek..." I usually get an Ok, and the conversation either continues or moves along to someone else.
Being a geek is fun, for me, cause I get to do everything I love. So, I'm here to tell you, I am embracing my inner geek.
I guess I need to clarify an early post http://catuncaged.blogspot.com/2010/02/happily-child-free-what-hell.html
I seem to have angered a few people, and while that was not my intention, I will clarify my own PERSONAL opinion.
First of all, I respect all opinions whether they "match" my own or not. I'm not out to be a bully and say "My opinion matters and yours does not" that is a stupid assumption. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.
Secondly, and this is probably the most important point. I NEVER at any time said, nor would I, that someone who does not have children, be it by choice or design, was inferior to me in any way! My husband and I chose to have a child. That being said, those who choose to not have children are in no way wrong for that desire.
My anger with Happily Childfree is that the site seems to blatantly attack mothers for their choice to have kids. Before this date, I have never, ever thought less of anyone for not having a child. I did not post that childless, or childfree people were stupid or unintelligent, I posted that I thought the creator of the blog/site was.
I don't walk up to random people in the store and expect them to gawk and stare and appreciate my child. Perhaps that's just me, but that's not my way. If you don't like my child, that's your choice. I love her, and nothing ANYONE says will take that away.
I get angry when people believe that the world owes them something and that everyone else should suffer because of their lack of whatever it is they need to feel superior to others. I am not in the business of taking others down and Happily Childfree can do and say as they please. That being said, I do not have to agree with it. Nor do they have to agree with me.
Now's the point when I have to control my temper and attempt to remain calm. I am not smug, nor am I superior just because I "Popped" out a child. I'm not a baby farm. I have ONE child. Maybe someday I would like to have another. Using the term "Popping out a few" is silly. Childless people have NO IDEA what it is actually like to give birth, believe me it's nothing like Popping. Think more along the lines of extreme pain, lots of ripping and tearing etc.
I have quite a few friends who do not have children. I have never thought anything less of them. I do not badger people to have kids. It's YOUR choice. If you feel you are better suited NOT having kids, by all means, DON'T. It's OK and I don't care. I enjoy talking about my daughter, but I am learning to not center every conversation around her.
The thing is, when you have a child, your brain wires itself in a way that makes you protective and proud. You want the world to see how special your child is. It's a protection and nature thing. As far as being smug, or superior, that's not the case. I am what's known as "Poor White Trash". Having a child didn't make me rich, FAR FROM IT, Having a child didn't make me better than anyone. Perhaps though it made me a better person overall. Maybe that's what mothers want. Maybe we see how we've changed and automatically assume that everyone wants or needs that. I know that some people are happy without kids, and I say HOORAY. I want you to be happy. I ask that you respect my decision to have a child, and I will respect you.
I seem to have angered a few people, and while that was not my intention, I will clarify my own PERSONAL opinion.
First of all, I respect all opinions whether they "match" my own or not. I'm not out to be a bully and say "My opinion matters and yours does not" that is a stupid assumption. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.
Secondly, and this is probably the most important point. I NEVER at any time said, nor would I, that someone who does not have children, be it by choice or design, was inferior to me in any way! My husband and I chose to have a child. That being said, those who choose to not have children are in no way wrong for that desire.
My anger with Happily Childfree is that the site seems to blatantly attack mothers for their choice to have kids. Before this date, I have never, ever thought less of anyone for not having a child. I did not post that childless, or childfree people were stupid or unintelligent, I posted that I thought the creator of the blog/site was.
I don't walk up to random people in the store and expect them to gawk and stare and appreciate my child. Perhaps that's just me, but that's not my way. If you don't like my child, that's your choice. I love her, and nothing ANYONE says will take that away.
I get angry when people believe that the world owes them something and that everyone else should suffer because of their lack of whatever it is they need to feel superior to others. I am not in the business of taking others down and Happily Childfree can do and say as they please. That being said, I do not have to agree with it. Nor do they have to agree with me.
Now's the point when I have to control my temper and attempt to remain calm. I am not smug, nor am I superior just because I "Popped" out a child. I'm not a baby farm. I have ONE child. Maybe someday I would like to have another. Using the term "Popping out a few" is silly. Childless people have NO IDEA what it is actually like to give birth, believe me it's nothing like Popping. Think more along the lines of extreme pain, lots of ripping and tearing etc.
I have quite a few friends who do not have children. I have never thought anything less of them. I do not badger people to have kids. It's YOUR choice. If you feel you are better suited NOT having kids, by all means, DON'T. It's OK and I don't care. I enjoy talking about my daughter, but I am learning to not center every conversation around her.The thing is, when you have a child, your brain wires itself in a way that makes you protective and proud. You want the world to see how special your child is. It's a protection and nature thing. As far as being smug, or superior, that's not the case. I am what's known as "Poor White Trash". Having a child didn't make me rich, FAR FROM IT, Having a child didn't make me better than anyone. Perhaps though it made me a better person overall. Maybe that's what mothers want. Maybe we see how we've changed and automatically assume that everyone wants or needs that. I know that some people are happy without kids, and I say HOORAY. I want you to be happy. I ask that you respect my decision to have a child, and I will respect you.
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