Monday, March 1, 2010
I came across and interesting blog from The Responsibility Project. This blog has me completely torn, and I'm really not sure what to think.
It's about a Mother and Father wanting to return a child they adopted, to the state, for severe behavioral problems. This is a summary of the post:

Melissa and Tony Wescott want to return their 11 year-old adopted son to state custody because they say he had severe behavioral problems not disclosed prior to his 2007 adoption, including reactive detachment disorder, disruptive behavior disorder, major depressive disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, and fetal alcohol syndrome.

The Wescotts say that soon after the adoption, the boy attacked a neighbor child with a board, killed and injured animals, began regularly running away, and hid butcher knives and lighters in his room. “He tried to burn our home down,” said Melissa Wescott. “The note read: ‘I’m sorry you had to die.’”

State documents described the child as “polite and well mannered.”
In a lot of adoption cases and foster home kids, they show the need to "hurt" before they get hurt, now NOT knowing the entire situation, or what is really going on, I don't know if that's what's going on here or not.
I guess my fear is that, if these parents do successfully "return" the child (as if he were merchandise) then what?
Do they adopt again, in attempt to find the "perfect" child?

I am not trying to knock them, it is clear from Tulsa World that the boy has some issue, probably a lot more than most people know how to handle. Here is my question though, if it were their biological child, would they "get rid of him"? I am very confused.... This is not exactly something someone hears about on a daily basis.

Ok, in my life, there are times when my daughter drives me up the wall and down the other side! I think to myself  "Self, I wonder if your Mother wants to buy her for real cheap?" Then I laugh... I would never really do it, but it's still kinda funny. Ok, sorry, maybe not... but it releases the tension at the time!

I couldn't imagine her REALLY being gone, when she spends the night at my mother's house I miss her, even though I'm glad to have the time to myself.
I don't fear her (unless she's coming at me growling and threatening to take my nose) and she hasn't killed any animals (If she does I will cry!) but I love her!

I guess the situation is different, and I don't know what I would do in their position.

Several knives and fire-making materials were found under his mattress, and a trash can in his room had been set on fire. He soon was caught killing frogs by throwing them against a barn, and he hurt the family's pet dogs. He attacked a neighbor child with a board, and running away became common, she said.
Not "normal" but to me, he sounds troubled... but not incapable of being helped.
Ok, I don't know, I don't know the whole story or what the child IS capable of. I am torn though, I don't like the idea of "returning" a child, but at the same time, I would hate to see him hurt them, or them hurt him.

Please share your thoughts!


Anonymous said...

I am sure that returning the child was not an easy decision for these parents to make. I am sure it was actually a very heartbreaking decision for them. They had to have already gone through a lot to finally get to the point where they decided to adopt. And then the hoops you go through to be allowed to adopt and then to finally have a child "become available". Not just anyone can handle children with disabilites or mental issues. It takes very special people. I myself do not think I could handle that kind of child. In your question of whether or not the parents may treat the child differently if he were biological.....well, I assume these parents REALLY want children, so the mother would not have drank during pregnancy...avoiding the fetal alcohol syndrome. I also assume that if their biological child were born with disablities they would have sought out help at an early age in hopes of avoiding or lessening future negative and perhaps violent beahavior. It is a very sad situation, but I do not feel I can pass judgement for either side until I am in that situation.

sharon said...

My personal "qualifications" are growing up with a very disturbed sibling which culminated in his incarceration for murder. The education after such trauma is years long and from what I have read about such disturbances this kid is almost beyond LASTING help, esp by the age of 11yo. So VERY sad, but true. If things are true that the state did NOT disclose the proper information AND provide the extreme necessary help for the family then there is a REAL PROBLEM on the states part. This kid is going to end up in the state system as a criminal regardless from the sounds of it. Again, so VERY sad, but this type of "unfixable" situation is not abnormal by the age of 11 and the degree that is being described. This child had severe abuse somewhere in their life and not just born with fetal alcohol syndrome. Whether or not the child is blood related, based on the information provided, I feel it is reasonably warranted that the child should have been charged with attempted murder and incarcerated/institutionalized, even if not as an adult, that IMMEDIATELY shows there is a VERY SERIOUS problem!! I personally don't see it as unwarranted to return the child back to the state if they were negligent to fully disclose issues because I can GUARANTEE he exhibited disturbing enough behaviors in their custody leading up to his final adoption if it only took approximately two years to drive the adoptive parents to this decision as it is. Yes, there are issues to deal with adopted children, but this seems rather extreme and there is a need for the state to be held responsible for their own deceit and negligence.

Catrina said...

Thank you for your comments!

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