Monday, March 1, 2010
Losing Power, losing strength, losing drive.
I hate it when this happens. I hate losing the good parts of me.
I hate it when I go down the dark road to being alone in my head.
I hate when I feel like everything sucks.
I hate it when I think that I can't win.

I hate that I feel not good enough for anything.
I don't want to feel like this, I don't want to want to cry.
Why can't I be happy?
Why can't I just be happy for more than one day in a row...
I want to feel like I am doing something good.

I am a failure. I can't win.
I don't want to leave my little girl,
I don't want to miss a moment of her little life.
But I must return to work.
I want this to work.
To write is my dream.
I have wanted to write since I was a kid.
I have wanted nothing more my entire life.
Nothing satisfies me like writing.
Nothing fulfills me.

Make it stop,
Make the darkness go away.
Help me not feel so sad...
Please let me feel like something matters!
Like I matter.


bluejeanwifey said...

does the sun not matter to the earth? so you too matter to your daughter. the clouds may mask a sunny day...but its only for a time. the sun shines on...

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